I Give Myself Away

Whenever I feel overwhelmed by the intricate mess that this life can sometimes seem to be, I like to listen to music. There is one song that will forever speak to my soul-to be still and to let go. Sometimes we are too engrossed in our problems and all we do is complain. We put in so much effort into that we forget that this life is not our own. Right here, right now, “I give Myself Away”..

“I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I’m longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you.”

By William Mcdowell.

Blessings.
Love.

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Friendship Is Not….

Friendship; they say is a 2-way street. Where both of you give and receive…meet each other halfway. So if you find yourself always going all the way, you seriously need to recheck that.

Young as I may be, I have learnt quite a bit about friendship. Through experiences both good and bad. I’ve had friends who will do almost anything for me and I’ve had some who will do everything to be me and make sure they step on me along the way. Yes, I’ve also had those who have done everything they can to frustrate me. With time, I’ve learnt to drop them and move on.

Its hard when you start off as really great friends then all of a sudden things have to change and you wonder what to do because;

1. You have shared so much with this person to just let go.

2. You believe that you can forgive and it can all be better.

3. You are afraid of starting all over, getting a whole bunch of new better friends from wherever..you know those dont come easy.

Yes. You are willing to compromise just to avoid being lonely. Sometimes being lonely is for your very own good. No more drama. No more heartbreak. In time, you learn to embrace the ‘lonely’ as just some quiet peace which you even start to revel in.

I constantly find myself always being the one who checks up on my friends. Am the one who will always start up a chat and then most of the times even be left hanging. I will go out of my way to visit then while they make up excuses as to why they dont reciprocate. Whenever I come up with a ‘lets meet and hang out’ venture, they always have to postpone (then sometimes it doesnt even happen) but then when its them who come up with it, it usually happens. Its frustrating!!

I used to ask myself why most friends just needed me when they wanted something like;

1. If they needed someone to take them to shopping!! Am a very good ‘shopping-buddy’  I have quite an eye for good stuff and a great bargaining power where necessary. Then I always know where what is amd at what price. So they pretty much just reduced to that. Some kind of consultant.

2. If they had some really pressing gossip they needed to share with someone. I had to be the receiving ears. Okay. I admit. I love gossip. But if its you doing all the talking. Its gonna start to really piss me off!!

3. If they needed to borrow something that they know only I have or only I will be willing to lend them. Like a certain red belt. Or the little black dress.

So while trying to compromise, it became more frustrating and so one day I reached breaking point. I decided I had had enough crap for so long. I too had feelings and I too wanted people to keep checking up on me as I did them every once in a while. I thought to myself, “We are all busy, you know. Some of us just think friendship is more important than all that stuff we claim to be busy about. Because when its all over, atleast we shall have our friends to hang on to/with..”

I completely withdrew and decided to sit back, realx, and quit trying so hard. To just reallg wait and see who were my real friends. And it worked. Ofcourse very few turned out to be true friends. As of now, the last time I saw some of them was a year ago and yes-we no longer talk. Some we talk like just once a year and thats it.

It hurts when I realize that I was probably the only one putting in the most, if not all the effort in such friendships coz how come it all went crushing down when I decided to take a rest?

Am done crying about it now, haha. If you know you are such a friend. Yes, I will say this like I always do, Flee! Its not worth it. Hold on to those that really matter to you, and they should matter because you matter to them too! As for the rest, let them go. There are so many other people out there that they can manipulate and it doesnt have to be you!!

Be Wise,
Love.

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The Little Things

The Little Things

Now this, right here, made my day!! :)) But also went so far to remind me of the things we take for granted. The same things that matter the most to us. Embrace them!!

Love.

And Am Still Counting…..

The more I do this, the more I realize that am in a battle. A battle against my enemy. I guess I could could also say a battle against myself because “you are your own worst enemy”.. I still feel it in my heart, hear it in my mind-the temptation to give up, to give in..

I-Wont-Give-Up

Day 67 and still counting. I have loved every step of this journey. When I started this, I merely thought I was doing it for just that one moment when I was feeling down. And even when I cried to God that Sunday the 19th May this year, to lift the burden that has always been my pain, off my shoulders, I thought that perhaps I was just being over-emotional. But actually, that is the very day that I let go.

let-go

Something about living “happy”. At first, it can seem to get very boring because the life that used to make me happy, I am done with. I dont even crave for it-the partying, the gossiping with friends, the alcohol, the sex. All that is vanity of vanities. Like the passing wind. Things that only left me feeling more broken. Yes..Though I hate to admit it sometimes.

It amazes me how fast time is flying by. More so, I begin to thi.nk that its probably because I am at my very best state of body, heart and mind. Never been so peaceful for this long-in My Whole Life!! Its beautiful.
I used to say that I like to take each day at a time but those, days, those were just words….to perhaps make me feel good about myself.

Nowadays, I literally live One Day At A Time!! How??..u may ask.

First of all, I dont allow myself to think of some of the negativities of the past. When I find myself thinking about it though, I will either try to see the good that came out of it but if that doesnt work, I just quickly brush it off. I find myself planning stuff..a lot. I can think up almost everything I will say and do when I attend say, an event like a graduation party. I start to wonder who will be there, and some other details that surprise even me. Then I start to imagine things that could go wrong. Consequently, I start to stress over it then I get upset for nothing.

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But, I have learnt to Be Still and to live in the moment. Nowadays when I find myself obsessing over things I cant control, like the future, I usually tell myself this; ‘Tommorrow, you will deal with itself!! I am living in the Now..in the Today!! So for now, Give me a break!!”

My prayer; that this wont end in Day 110 but will be a Lifetime Change for me. Join me people, in this Happiness Journey!!

Still counting,
Love.

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Feelings

Cherish your doubts.
They are the seeds of Mystery.

Embrace your sadness.
Great joy lies within.

Turn to face your fears.
At their core lies peace beyond words.

Celebrate your boredom.
It is radically alive.

Hold your grief.
Let it break your heart wide open.

Befriend your anger.
Know it intimately as the life power that burns suns.

Acknowledge your pain.
It is the body’s plea for kind attention.

All feelings are deeply intelligent.
Get out of their way.
Let them do their sacred, universal work.

Adapted from “Rebel Thriver” a facebook page I sooo love to browse through. Filled with so many beautiful truths. Do check it out when you can. I know you’ll love it too!! 🙂

Stay true to yourselves,
Love.

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Help!! Am Suffering From PEACE!!! ;)

I came across this really interesting note. I thought that it had something really deep going on….and thought I’d share it with you (as I had promised. ):)

Here goes;

Symptoms of Inner Peace

1. A tendency to think and act deliberately, rather than from fears based on past experience.

2. An unmistakable ability to enjoying each moment.

3. A loss of interest in;
>>judging others
>>judging self
>>conflict
>>interpreting the actions of others

4. A loss of the ability to worry.

5. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

6. Contented feelings of correctedness with others and nature.

7. Frequent attacks of smiling through the heart.

8. Increasing susceptibility to kindness offered, and the uncontrollable urge to reciprocate.

9. An increasing tendency to allow things to unfold rather than insisting and manipulating.

(author unknown)

Lets do this people,
Love.

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LoveSick Much

I miss the way you hold me in your arms when am feeling blue.

Miss the way you make me laugh when all I wanna do is cry.

The way you rub my back and neck when its feeling sore.

When its raining like right now, I feel safe and warm in your arms..no thunder is too loud for me; nor lighting to bright for me.

Am at peace when am with you.

Am myself when am with you.

Am excited when am with you..

But…

Right now when you are far away from me,
All I can do is hold on to those sweet memories.

Hope to see you soon my boo,
To heal this heart of mine that is turning blue..
Look me in the eye as you say hi..
Lift me up in your strong tight embrace..
Touch my heart with that smile on your face.

But until the end of the week,
(the time we always meet)
Am feeling sad but mostly weak,
Coz now it has to be the other week,

Till then all I think I can be is this
     *****LOVESICK*****

XOXO.
Love.

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