On To The Next

Talk of having a schoolgirl crush!! This one came so very unexpectedly. He looks nothing like ‘my typical kinda guy’..and I still insist on finding out why..and how.. I am so drawn to him. Oh! By the way.. yes..I am still going steady with M even as I write this. I’m so used to this nowadays, I like to call it being a ‘normal girl’ with ‘normal feelings’ #way to console myself for emotional cheating#

I dont know how it started but I know it was all about first impressions. The first impression he left was ‘purrrfect. A little hint of interest and some subtle glances…then that last lingering goodbye stare. It was at our first meeting..at one of the school events. This event was actually a year ago. (Its been a slow one, this one) Funny enough though, it was oh so very harmless and meant nothing that day. Then all of a sudden am overthinking it a couple of days later and it all started to look very different. Very Very Exciting!

Honestly, sometimes I think I have been in a relationship for so long to the point of trying to find something exciting wherever I can. Yes. I still love M..but maybe am not in love maybe am not as excited as I was before. It comes and goes..the excitement.

This guy..is two years ahead of me in my school and we are in the same space which makes it really good. Yes, learning in my school is intergrated like that. (puhliz, who cares about learning right now; atleast I get to see my crush almost daily) We barely say more than a word to each other (I literally run out of words) but the excitement of knowing that he might be watching me..and better yet; catching him staring at me is just sooo…

“Snap out of it girl!!!” I have to constantly remind myself this everytime I catch mysef deep in fantasy. I know that just like the other ones, this is just by passing ..just like “the other gentleman”. Just saw you know, we have never talked since he left the country. It breaks my heart but I guess right now its more like am on a “on-to-the-next” spree.

But there is just something about this one; maybe its his eyes, or the way he smiles…or the way he seems to look right through me..looks like he is lost in me. Only Time Will Tell..

xoxo,
Love.

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My Soul For You To Keep

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Tonight, My heart goes out to all the victims of the recent terrorism attack in Kenya. This life can be so very horrid, unfair, unpredictable. I must admit am in a bit of panic and confusion…fear.. Am trying to keep myself stable by Trusting In His Power for only He can Save.

But when All is said and done..we shall all be in a better place. He reminds me that, and thus gives my soul is rest.

Pray For Kenya,
Love.

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Fight For Your Happiness

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own
blessings.

And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about
maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness
forever, to stay afloat on top of it.

If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s
easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has
passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

#Happiness Convert#
Love.

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You Just Never Know..

I know I will forever remember this day. 🙂

If you have read my posts, “my happiness journey”, “I choose to keep trying”..and a couple more in between, you probably know by now, that I tried for a design competition and..well..never got notified so I assumed that I had not won anything.

Yesterday 18th Sep that is..(apologies..its kind of confusing for me writing this in the am..nighttime)..was actually the presentation and award ceremony. Apparently most of the shortlisted candidates had not been notified that particular friday, last week actually. Earlier this week I was going to attend atleast some of the talks that were going on, that would eventually lead to the award ceremony.

However, the zest soon faded away. I guess the fact that I did not get that email/receive that much awaited phone call/text that friday had really affected me. Made me think I had not made the cut. So much so that even on tuesday night when my fellow candidate asked if I would be attending the award ceremony today, I reluctantly faked interest in the ‘place’ and ‘time’. Come today, I was busy catching up with an old friend, in the late afternoon, same time when talks were going on at the awards venue..completely oblivious to the fact that…You Never Know…

Fine…Lets cut to the chase;

Around 7pm yesterday I got a call that I have been awarded in absentia, a special mentions award. 🙂 That placed me as no. 4 in the list of the 5 finalists. I have never been that awed, emotional and confused at the same time..and kind of embarrassed too. How can I be absent in my own award!?? Pathetic..huh?? 😀 Well..there is actually a kind of solid reason backing the other ‘ boo-hoo-i-dint-get-notified’ whiny crap!! Its definitely a story for another day. *maintaining the glamour that is today’s post* :))

There was no time to think much though, especially about the possibility of having to present my design to the public, though informally. (stage fright + shy + not so eloquent and ish + really shy) I rushed there just in time for photos and general awards to all participants. Atleast I got to collect  my prize too. *kissing it again*

GOD IS FAITHFUL!!

I hate to do this, dear friends, but will continue this post later..its 3am and got a 9am class tommorrow..oh wait…today actually.. I just had to write this today..couldnt wait to share this good news with y’all. I appreciate all your prayers and kindest thoughts. :))

Sleep Sweet,
Love.

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Joy As Calm Delight

“..Not every day is a holiday,
Not every meal is a banquet,
Not every event is an extravaganza,
Most of the time life just goes along on a regular, even keel..”

-Joyce Meyer-Managing Your Emotions

Slowly learning that its okay to just have nothing really major or “exciting” going on in my life. I am learning that it is actually okay for my days to go without any great emotional fanfare.

“So many of us are like the ocean. Our emotions come in and go out like the roaring tide. One moment we are surging forward overflowing everything in our path, and the next moment we are rushing back out leaving debris everywhere.

Calm Delight can be likened to a bubbling brook that just flows along quietly and peacefully, bringing refreshment to everything and everyone along its path. To be a blessing everywhere we go, to bring a little joy to people’s lives, to live in harmony with others..”

Meanwhile, my new academic year is so far…so good. Awesome project…a primary schiol design. Always wanted to do one of those. Excited to see how it will all turn out.. :)) Gearing up to start my schematic design soonest but for now, I have to still polish my site analysis, case studies and interrelationship studies..otherwise called bubble diagrams.

uuummm…was really tempted to write about ‘the other gentleman’.today but I wont..because then I’ll start obsessing, Again. But if you must know what it was going to be about..I’ll leave you with this; Out Of Sight is definitely Out Of Mind. 😉

xoxo,
Love.

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I Choose To Keep Trying

I know I have been M.I.A…posting quick short ones. I love friday evenings, so relaxed..ushering in the weekend and all. What better time could I have to myself, to sit down and actually write.. 🙂

Today was the D-day.. They told us that they would notify the shortlisted candidates today within business hours, they just didn’t say how. This was my first design competition to participate in. I checked my email like thrice today.

You can imagine my excitement when I got a missed call from an unknown number at around 3:30pm. I called back immediately but it was not received. Thank God for ‘truecaller’, the android app which after like 5 seconds gives the name and even country of the caller. I would have otherwise stressed over the fact that I had missed their call…

Okay…lets cut to the chase. I was not notified. Waited for an email, for a text, call..nothing came through. So I automatically assumed that I did not make it to that list. 😦

And this is what went through my mind..

How come I haven’t won yet I felt that I was destined to win right from the very start?

Did I do this all for nothing?

But..*wipes off tears*

I took it all in slooowly and realized that sometimes we dont always win in our eyes..but in God’s eyes, we are more than conquerers. My focus was obviously on the cash prize and all the possible connections I would acquire as a result of an impresssive design. Sometimes we dont always get what we ask for/expect..

God’s focus could have been to test;

#my perseverance-even when I was about to give up,

#patience-when I was tired of waiting for a good idea,

#accountability-working even when I did not feel like it, even when there was no lecturer to push me,

#faith-I submitted my work incomplete and thought that I should give it a chance regardless of how sketchy it was,

I also learnt a couple of lessons on friendship and I realized that you dont really know someone’s true colours until the moment when they are under most pressure.

Then again, I probably dint give it my all. My very best shot. 😐 #feeling-abit-embarassed#

I could easily give up and decide to never get into a competition because I did not achieve what I wanted, or thought I wanted in this one. But what about what I actually needed?? Doesnt that matter more??

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*trying to really console myself here*

I choose to move on to the next. That work goes straight to my portfolio though, haha. I may have tripped and fallen a few steps back..but with God by my side, I choose to continue climbing the mountain..till I reach the top. See you there.. 😉

Keep Shining,
Love.

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