One thing I promised myself this year is to take all opportunities I find plausible and just flow with it. Thats exactly what I did today. I finally met T. In the past, its really been a struggle to meet him. Today went rather smoothly, much to my surprise. He only has a few days left before his flight and I cant help this really bitter-sweet feeling I have.
He is intelligent without being arrogant, talkative without being annoying. Funny..witty..I thought am an overthinker..he is like the master of that. He is the puuurrrrfect gentleman and am a sucker for that, especially.
I cant help but wonder what it would be like if he was my man. Honestly, apart from M, he is undoubtedly the nicest guy I have ever met…and now he has to leave. It breaks my heart. ;(
Given other circumstances, who knows…I have had some crushes in the past, even with M still in the picture. Most of them have really been all about the physical so they just fade away with time because I have never really emotionally connected with any of those guys. But this..this.. Him. I know he shall be etched in my heart for a lifetime.
I know things are serious when I write about them…this being my second post about this guy. Haha.
Being the gentleman he is, he arrived earlier than me which was kind of a bummer because I really would have loved to give a good impression of the great timekeeper I am. Haha. I slept late last night trying to watch movies..trying to avoid overthinking the date that was today lest I screw everything up.
Climbing those stairs felt like the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life!! I was weak to my knees and I constantly had to convince myself that he was just-a-friend and therefore there was no reason for the anxiety. I remember as I walked there, I already felt full. Between the butterflies in my stomach and having to tuck in my stomach, I wasnt sure that there was really much space left in my tummy for the lunch that he was to buy. 😀
I knew for sure that he would notice how uneasy I was. Like I said, I am not good at hiding my feelings. Kind of an open book. He quickly noticed that I was blushing when he suggested that we sit directly across. The eye-contact was what killed me mostly. He seemed to stare right through me. It was pretty intense.The guy does not waver. In my attempts to avert his gaze, he jokingly asked why I seemed distracted or whether its because I was blushing. OMG!!
I wanted to just vanish, right there and then! Never been soo embarrassed!! At some point he even thought he was boring me or maybe I was feeling nervous because M would probably bump into us having a ‘date’. Trying to explain my demeanour was the worst part for me. See I come across as really outgoing and so jumpy and bubbly when chatting via phone and that is exactly what he expected. Much to my disappointment, up to now, am just wondering whether he likes the ‘other’ me more or the me that he met today. *sigh*
Its really annoying how much I care so much about what he thinks of me. I am even surprised at myself. Arrrghhhh!!
He made a joke last night as we chatted..that at some point he thought that maybe I was avoiding meeting up with him because I was scared that he would steal me away from M. Like I said, none of us have even come close to point out the fact that we might actually really like each other. This was probably tge closest hint that he would easily hit on me, if given the chance.
One thing I know for sure though, no guy will waste his time on a girl if he doesnt see something good and I mean really gooood coming from it. Well, good is relative..but I know for sure, he is no woman-user. At some point today he said I reminded him of a girl he dated.. Immediately he said this all I could here in my head is usher’s song in my head..”you remind me of a girl..” Then he says stuff like I am the female version of him and puts me in the spot questioning my love for M! Asking me what I think of settling abroad, (as if he wants to whisk me away the next minute)..and even goes on to ask how many kids I would want. Enough Said!!
This guy has obviously been doing his calculations. He even tried to confuse me with issues of how its kind of sad that most long relationships or relationships that started sooo early, in most cases never work out. Got me doing a lot of thinking. How at some point in one’s adult life, one needs to know themself as an individual..bla..bla.. I have been with M all my adult life. I dont know life without M. These, I admit, are things that are usually at the back of my mind and for the first time ever, someone put me in the spot! *feeling challenged*
I know what he is trying here though. This guy is proud and will not take rejection so easily so he has to be sure its mutual before he asks that question. *same here* Hopefully I am not getting the wrong idea about all this and perhaps the guy is just happy to have found a good friend in me.
Men..help me figure this out pleaaaseee.
Lord help me!! I thank God that he is leaving soon because otherwise I would have a really hard decision to make because as it is; I am already cheating on M emotionally. But..After all is said and done, I can only wait for God to lead me for His plans are best.
Until then, I can only reminisce over the beauty of meeting and getting to know such a great guy. Come what may, I know I have made a friend, perhaps for life.
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