The Dream..The Reality!!

I know I promised myself not to talk about The Other Gentleman but.. I had the most randomest dream ever, last night. …

He might be out of sight and for a while even been out of my mind then BAM!!! I have a dream. A very interesting one in fact..and NO, its not what you think!! haha.

In the dream, I was just chilling with M and a friend (who I actually dont know in real life), then power went off!! At first it was the usual frustration then panic then getting used to it. M then left us and came back with what looked like a motor of sorts accompanied by a package. The motor-thingy then automatically ran and the power was back. Yeiy!! “Whoever had sent this has got to be an angel because the timing is just so perfect.” I thought to myself.

The Package.

It was a bunch of letters actually.. kind of a photostory too really. I sooo love those. He talked of how it has been so far for him out there..the adventures, the beautiful things he sees everyday..how he misses home. Then in so many words..in such a deep way, very poetic actually..a part of all that writing spoke to me; of his deepset sadness due to the fact that we could only be friends, yet we connected in a very profound way. M didnt catch any of it.

The writer used a strange name for himself. Strange because none of us knew him but had referred to us in our very nicknames meaning it was someone who knew us so well.

The catch

The way he spoke/wrote…I knew this was ‘the other gentleman’.. In fact, I was quite sure that it was him because though he had been careful enough to pick out photos that did not have him in them, there was this one photo. She was in it. A certain girl he had told me about..But why all the anonymity?? Why go to the extent of adressing it to the both of us when he had never even met M.

The Awkward Scribble

There was a blank page at the back..which almost looked like a rough paper until M later pointed out that the person had scribbled my name twice actually. I couldnt help blushing honestly and even though I knew M must have noticed it, it was really kind of scary how at this particular moment, I really didnt care. I was even so shameless that I asked him to give me the letters again so I would try find out who it was. Truth is, I just wanted to re-read them because frankly, I knew he had written to me.

Back To Reality
Ofcourse I over-analysed this dream, even when I was still dreaming it. Now that I am awake doesnt make it any better really. I know I might be infatuated in a very deep kind of way, if there is anything like that really. But how do I get rid of all this feelings. Well I should never have contacted him in the first place, earlier this year.. #sigh# Maybe I miss all the attention. All that no-strings-attached texting..with just a few hints of flirting if any. Haha. When I say flirting I mean that ocassional *wink* smiley. #sigh# Or maybe its the fact that I feel like we ‘broke’ up now that he had to leave the country (till I dont know when).

He has never contacted me since he left. ;( Its been 5 weeks. (Yes..I have been counting!) That is the worst!! Buut..I haven’t contacted him either. Why?? My pride doesnt allow me. I did it once, I cant do it for the second time and so I guess this answers me. I might have been just there for the season. Just some girl he met while he was passing by. Now thats what bugs me most. Thats enough heartbreak to make me do what I should have done a long time ago; Let Go! Let Go of the second most -charming nicest kindest funniest smart perfect gentleman-guy I have ever met. Note to self; Second. M always comes first! 🙂 Am out!

Peace,
Love.

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Feelings

Cherish your doubts.
They are the seeds of Mystery.

Embrace your sadness.
Great joy lies within.

Turn to face your fears.
At their core lies peace beyond words.

Celebrate your boredom.
It is radically alive.

Hold your grief.
Let it break your heart wide open.

Befriend your anger.
Know it intimately as the life power that burns suns.

Acknowledge your pain.
It is the body’s plea for kind attention.

All feelings are deeply intelligent.
Get out of their way.
Let them do their sacred, universal work.

Adapted from “Rebel Thriver” a facebook page I sooo love to browse through. Filled with so many beautiful truths. Do check it out when you can. I know you’ll love it too!! 🙂

Stay true to yourselves,
Love.

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