Friendship Is Not….

Friendship; they say is a 2-way street. Where both of you give and receive…meet each other halfway. So if you find yourself always going all the way, you seriously need to recheck that.

Young as I may be, I have learnt quite a bit about friendship. Through experiences both good and bad. I’ve had friends who will do almost anything for me and I’ve had some who will do everything to be me and make sure they step on me along the way. Yes, I’ve also had those who have done everything they can to frustrate me. With time, I’ve learnt to drop them and move on.

Its hard when you start off as really great friends then all of a sudden things have to change and you wonder what to do because;

1. You have shared so much with this person to just let go.

2. You believe that you can forgive and it can all be better.

3. You are afraid of starting all over, getting a whole bunch of new better friends from know those dont come easy.

Yes. You are willing to compromise just to avoid being lonely. Sometimes being lonely is for your very own good. No more drama. No more heartbreak. In time, you learn to embrace the ‘lonely’ as just some quiet peace which you even start to revel in.

I constantly find myself always being the one who checks up on my friends. Am the one who will always start up a chat and then most of the times even be left hanging. I will go out of my way to visit then while they make up excuses as to why they dont reciprocate. Whenever I come up with a ‘lets meet and hang out’ venture, they always have to postpone (then sometimes it doesnt even happen) but then when its them who come up with it, it usually happens. Its frustrating!!

I used to ask myself why most friends just needed me when they wanted something like;

1. If they needed someone to take them to shopping!! Am a very good ‘shopping-buddy’  I have quite an eye for good stuff and a great bargaining power where necessary. Then I always know where what is amd at what price. So they pretty much just reduced to that. Some kind of consultant.

2. If they had some really pressing gossip they needed to share with someone. I had to be the receiving ears. Okay. I admit. I love gossip. But if its you doing all the talking. Its gonna start to really piss me off!!

3. If they needed to borrow something that they know only I have or only I will be willing to lend them. Like a certain red belt. Or the little black dress.

So while trying to compromise, it became more frustrating and so one day I reached breaking point. I decided I had had enough crap for so long. I too had feelings and I too wanted people to keep checking up on me as I did them every once in a while. I thought to myself, “We are all busy, you know. Some of us just think friendship is more important than all that stuff we claim to be busy about. Because when its all over, atleast we shall have our friends to hang on to/with..”

I completely withdrew and decided to sit back, realx, and quit trying so hard. To just reallg wait and see who were my real friends. And it worked. Ofcourse very few turned out to be true friends. As of now, the last time I saw some of them was a year ago and yes-we no longer talk. Some we talk like just once a year and thats it.

It hurts when I realize that I was probably the only one putting in the most, if not all the effort in such friendships coz how come it all went crushing down when I decided to take a rest?

Am done crying about it now, haha. If you know you are such a friend. Yes, I will say this like I always do, Flee! Its not worth it. Hold on to those that really matter to you, and they should matter because you matter to them too! As for the rest, let them go. There are so many other people out there that they can manipulate and it doesnt have to be you!!

Be Wise,

Posted from WordPress for Android


10 Reasons Why I Started Blogging

I know. I know. Who cares!? Right?? Well…I do!! And for that reason, I WRITE!

One day I was very idle and during such times I like to visit the android market to see what new apps ’em geniuses have come up with. *no offence btw* In one of my random searches, I came across a wordpress app and thought to myself, “hmm…how different is this from ‘blogspot’..??” (i have 2 inactive blogspot blogs with like 2 posts each,…one from 2011, the other 2012..) How very pathetic!!…hahaha. The rest is history.

I think faster than I speak and thus have in me so many unspoken words, so much untapped energy. So I thought a blog would be the best place to release it-the energy. Oh. And Im better at listening and analysing situations in my head..sometimes playing them in my head, over and over again. (Call me an overthinker…thats how I roll!!) Organizing all these thoughts in form of writing didnt seem like such a bad idea.

M is very amused at how much I pretend to know the answer to everything by coming up with craizy theories to explain some of life’s intrigues. How about I try to explain it to the world too. Be one of the millions of answers found on google. B-)

My father once told me that I like to act like I know it All..So I thought, “hey..why not share All I Know with the whole world!!” Tell it all to a bunch of people whetger they care about it or not..whether they side with me or not. :p

This you might have read earlier in a previous post. I like to do self-therapy. I will write to encourage if I feel down and I will write to console when I feel like I need to be comforted. I will try to be funny when I need a good laugh and I will write the most heartbreaking story when I feel like I need a good sobbing.

Sometimes I talk to myself and am really surprised at some of the things I come up with; craizy or not. Hence I decided to just write all that crap down for the whole world to see, instead of talking to myself and looking totally insane!! Haha.

The mystery of the numbers and even types of people I might reach out to with whatever I write fascinates me and gives me this undying curiosity. Drives me to just keep writing and keep putting it out there. 😀

By now, you may have noticed that I am an open book. I do tell all. Mostly because I dont have a confidant…and partly because its a safe place to rant and rave. Yes..people. I have put that much amount of trust in you. Dont you dare break my heart!! :p

The irony of having a ‘journal’ as  private as this and yet sooo out-there-for-the-whole-world-to-see is very very exciting. And yes…Nobody knows that this exists. None of my family member. Not even M. Just the other day I asked him if he would be okay with me sharing our relationship experiences on a blog and he was soo cool with it. Poor guy has no clue that this very blog has been in existence for close to a month now… :p

I believe that I can be of great help to someone out there by sharing my thoughts and experiences; highs and lows that life has dealt me. I am happy to be alive and well and to have the priviledge to be able to express myself to strangers and yet connect with them in a way that is so incredibly wonderful. I dont have to be the president of a nation for my voice to be heard, to make a change. Neither do I have to win the Nobel Peace prize for me to feel like I have achieved that ultimate feeling of knowing you have influenced the world. Have my name in the history books and all that other heroic, famous stuff. Haha. Maybe one day I will..who knows, but for now, words are more powerful. So I continue to write..with love..

Keep writing,

Posted from WordPress for Android