He Changed My Heart

Last day of holiday and am already feeling nostalgic. This has been among the best holidays I have ever had. It has been a holiday in its true essence. I have rested enough and right now I am feeling so refreshed, its amazing. I really needed it.

This holiday, I started this blog just as a by the way and it even surprises me how much it has come to mean to me. You, dear friends have made it what it is today and I will always cherish you. Your support; follows, likes and encouragement keeps me motivated.

It has become a sort of accountability platform for me. Sometimes I even find myself thinking..”well..I wrote in the blog that one should be fearless so perhaps I should start practising it..” Makes me want to have a ‘Walk-The-Talk’ attitude. 🙂

When the holiday started, I had to keep my fingers crossed that things at home would remain calm. Being around my parents for so long is usually not so pretty because argument and misunderstanding is bound to happen. However, I have smoothly sailed through this holiday with nothing but good times and no arguments whatsoever. Mind you it has been a whole 3 months.

Lesson Learnt;

“..Maybe God is not changing your situation because He wants to change your heart first..”

I began this holiday with a prayer, that God may intervene for my family; that my dad may become more understanding, and get rid of his temper and that my mum would be more supportive and stop being on his side all the time leaving us kids to suffer under his control and outbursts of anger. I also prayed that I may have the strength and positivity to cope with all these.

Well, looking back, not much has changed about them really, just that I have been careful not to fall victim and God has been gracious. I have been Managing My Emotions..Funny thing, not really funny though, its actually kind of sad; they have had arguments among themselves due on the same-misunderstanding, tiemper.

So am looking at all these, and I begin to realize that God indeed did something really special to me..in me. Something that I will forever be grateful for. He changed my Heart..which has changed my mind, soul. See I no longer think the way I thought, of all the bad that lurked in the dark, the future and the present, past. I have learnt to let God take full control of my tommorrow. My today, He deals with it moment by moment. I dont have to worry about anything because He is Able. He is God over our past, present and future.

My Happiness Journey came as a result of this immense peace I experienced after I made that prayer. I knew I needed strength to sustain it. His Grace has been sufficient all these days. As I go back to school, For the rest of my life’s journey too I pray that His Joy shall be My strength. I know this probably feels like it but No..its not a Goodbye. Just kind of a transition post for me.. Well..then again I might not be able to blog as much with school but Ill try. Oh..and get ready to learn about Architecture..coz it will be all I eat, drink, sleep, think..and talk about. Hallo Arch School!!

Blessings,
Love.

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A Solder Lives…To Fight Another Day.

We come to a point in our lives when for a split second, everything seems so perfect. This is when all that ever bothered you is no longer a problem but merely a figment of your memory. You reach a point where you can comfortably laugh it off and brush it off as a ‘lesson-learnt’.

Sometimes I even have to pinch myself, refusing to believe for just a moment, that my family is as blessed as we are now. We have our struggles, yes. But nothing compared to the horrors of yesterday. I am still amazed at how far we have come..each one of us. Trully, God answers prayers.

10years ago, a time like this, I would probably be locked up in my room trying to drown myself in little sketches that I liked to do when I was sad and feeling lonely. I would then try to numb the recurring stomach ulcers with some soft humming from my favourite radio. I would try to occupy my mind so much so that I would not even dare think about the violence that would follow in the night; the yelling, throwing around of furniture and utensils, the beatings, the exchange of words, the rumours that would go around among the neighbours the following morning, missed breakfast, getting late to school, skipping lunch coz of too much stress.

It left me and my 8 year-old sister so scared and helpless. Even though he didnt touch or insult us, the much he did to my mother was enough to scar us and to make us hate him more everyday. Alcohol. He had succumbed to it. It was ruining our lives. We suffered for 7 long years. On and Off. On and Off.

Finally, around this time, in 2005, we managed to convince him to go to rehab. Yes. God had finally changed his heart, made him more willing to give it a try. Second Chances. Our prayers of Redemption were finally being answered. This was only the beginning. He recovered well in those three months he was there and then joined us.

If you see us today, its unbelievable. Many wonder how we did it. It was God’s Divine Power. My mother, sister and I clung to prayers like they were our daily bread…our breathe. They actually were, come to think of it. Soon after, we even moved to a new neighbourhood…way better by standards and even psychologically. There was no point of staying there, where we were under constant scrutiny from the neighbours, waiting for any slight fall. It was a fresh start for us.

Dad has been sober for 8 years now. I am proud of him. Never misses mass on Sundays. The most positive person I have ever met. Sometimes he can be so positive it even starts to get annoying. Haha. Well…I have started to turn into that myself.

You might think that it is now so perfect. Yes…perhaps when compared to the past, but in reality, no, far from it. But we are managing. The hardest thing has been trying to rebuild the burnt bridges. The fear we had for him still lingers on. We used to isolate ourselves and avoid him and thus we never really got to bond well. We are obviously closer to mother and so sometimes he feels left out and instead of trying to reach out he gets angry and pushes us away. Its a struggle getting to know each other all over again. He is a perfectionist, likes to have all control and is very short-tempered. Am getting used to that. Its not easy, but am trying. We all are.

He wrote me a letter when I was still away in highschool; in boarding school. Of all the things he said, “A Soldier Live To Fight Another Day”..has remained etched in my heart. I hold on to that everyday. Things never get easier. We only get tougher!

Stay Strong,
Love.

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Feelings

Cherish your doubts.
They are the seeds of Mystery.

Embrace your sadness.
Great joy lies within.

Turn to face your fears.
At their core lies peace beyond words.

Celebrate your boredom.
It is radically alive.

Hold your grief.
Let it break your heart wide open.

Befriend your anger.
Know it intimately as the life power that burns suns.

Acknowledge your pain.
It is the body’s plea for kind attention.

All feelings are deeply intelligent.
Get out of their way.
Let them do their sacred, universal work.

Adapted from “Rebel Thriver” a facebook page I sooo love to browse through. Filled with so many beautiful truths. Do check it out when you can. I know you’ll love it too!! 🙂

Stay true to yourselves,
Love.

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Help!! Am Suffering From PEACE!!! ;)

I came across this really interesting note. I thought that it had something really deep going on….and thought I’d share it with you (as I had promised. ):)

Here goes;

Symptoms of Inner Peace

1. A tendency to think and act deliberately, rather than from fears based on past experience.

2. An unmistakable ability to enjoying each moment.

3. A loss of interest in;
>>judging others
>>judging self
>>conflict
>>interpreting the actions of others

4. A loss of the ability to worry.

5. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.

6. Contented feelings of correctedness with others and nature.

7. Frequent attacks of smiling through the heart.

8. Increasing susceptibility to kindness offered, and the uncontrollable urge to reciprocate.

9. An increasing tendency to allow things to unfold rather than insisting and manipulating.

(author unknown)

Lets do this people,
Love.

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LoveSick Much

I miss the way you hold me in your arms when am feeling blue.

Miss the way you make me laugh when all I wanna do is cry.

The way you rub my back and neck when its feeling sore.

When its raining like right now, I feel safe and warm in your arms..no thunder is too loud for me; nor lighting to bright for me.

Am at peace when am with you.

Am myself when am with you.

Am excited when am with you..

But…

Right now when you are far away from me,
All I can do is hold on to those sweet memories.

Hope to see you soon my boo,
To heal this heart of mine that is turning blue..
Look me in the eye as you say hi..
Lift me up in your strong tight embrace..
Touch my heart with that smile on your face.

But until the end of the week,
(the time we always meet)
Am feeling sad but mostly weak,
Coz now it has to be the other week,

Till then all I think I can be is this
     *****LOVESICK*****

XOXO.
Love.

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Lose That Guy!!

Picture this;
You spot this really hot guy at a dinner event..and I mean really hot!! Like Enrique Iglesias hot!! Then the best part is, you notice that he spots you too!! 😉

Minutes later, you are flirting away and you are now the envy of every girl in the room. Because everyone can see that the guy is smitten!!

So you start off this racy almost fling thing with the guy…which is all sorts of steamy…seemingly endless flirting; that goes on for days until you reach that place………..D.T.R.

You know how we all wish that some things would just work themselves out somehow, instead of us facing the situation head-on.. Thats how most of us get…in destination D.T.R.

You’ve been seeing this guy for close to 2 months and y’all havnt DTRd…and not because you set some rules at the beginning..NO!! Y’all just having a bit of fun…but you know damn right that it isnt a just-a-friend thing going on coz the chemistry is so tight; tension in the air anywhere you two are.. Catch my drift..?

Now this begins to be a problem especially when the intimacy sets in. Now girls…this is where we start to go wrong..(okay, some of us)
I once heard that you should never kiss a guy you know you wont have sex with.. I decipher that to “dont give the wrong signs..dont lead someone on, if you really dont see anything serious coming out off it.

Depending on how fast you get to know the guy and how much you would love to know him more, you need to dtr to be safe enough..atleast for starters. Just to see exactly where you two are headed.

I know of a lady who got into this emotional rollercoaster with a guy who would constantly dodge dtr and still constantly play with her emotions. Atleast he only got to 2 nd base. Girl saw him for the jerk he really was. Guy even had the nerve to sneak around with his ex .just to get “it” elsewhere. (know-what-I-mean) By the time she was calling it quits, he had lost all the respect she had ever had for him. Lucky girl she escaped that one.. Thats because she knew the best thing to do was “LOSE THAT GUY!!!”

Personally, my first dtr was when I was 15…and at the end of the drama then, I thought I had it in check..but as the years go by, I realize that there is still so much learning. You never quite get it the first time… It always plays out differently just when you think you’ve got it!! But at all times just guard your heart!! Coz thats what hurts most when things get messed up.

Relationship Doctor much?? 😉

Xoxo..
Love.

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