F.R.O.G – Fully Rely On God

Its in times like this, when am feeling so helpless that I continue to realize that I am nothing on my own. The reason I even stand is because He says I can. I breathe because of His grace that gives me the ability to. I guess sometimes its okay to be broken so we can rise up again and do better than we could ever imagine. Maybe its not so bad that we fall sometimes, because its in that falling that we spring up and shoot even higher..

Its in such trying times that I realize the extent of the goodness that awaits me. Such trials only come when we have something really great awaiting us on the other side. It can only be this dark because there is such bright light in the other side…jus that I have not reached there yet.

End of project 2 and…WHAT!! This one almost had me. Never had a more painful couple of days in arch school ever. Nothing seemed to be working for me right from the beginning. Then came the bombshell..being told to review my design 2 days to the deadline. Now that left me in a daze for quite a while and in a lot of denial. For a couple of hours that evening my head actually felt numb. I had kind of seen it coming, yes but just not to that extent.

I wanted to give up, I really did. I wanted to run away, just didnt know where to. Thoughts of quitting even crossed my mind at some point. I couldnt believe that things were going so astray. I wondered where I had gone wrong. Is it the two crucial days I had missed when I had travelled upcountry for my uncle’s funeral? The way I had come back in such a panic wondering where to begin..But I had no control over that. Then I remembered that even before that, I was still panicky and unsettled so there had to be another problem.

PRAYER

See for a while now I have been walking around thinking everything happens by default. That things just happen automatically. I guess I just needed some reminding. Maybe I just did not learn from that first time, or maybe I just thought that thats all it was-the first time. (the first project)

Sometimes I guess it takes some pain for us to learn. I need to have a constamt reminder in my life, to Fully Rely On God. He comes through for me no matter what so I dont know why it has to reach some extents for me to remember that He rules!!

I just submitted my work today and  thats the reason I even get the strength to write. The fact that I have finally met the deadline gives me some sort of peace. The grades that will come out of that project,..well..I can only trust in God’s grace. Its been a real struggle.

This is it!! There is something I had promised myself during the holidays-that I would start a happiness lifestyle..all day everyday. I was thinking of making an entry everyday atleast to just appreciate all the reasons God has given me to be happy. Too bad I have never even revisited the idea. Well I guess this is the time to do it. Start An Everyday Happiness Regime. Because honestly I have realized lately i have been cultivating a really crappy attitude towards life and mostly everything about this academic year. I begin tomorrow.

As for today, I just want to remind y’all not to wait for when you feel your worst so that you can rush to God with all sorts of promises. Make it a habit..Make it an Everyday thing. There is nowhere you can go without Him. You need Him now and forever more.

Blessings y’all.
Love.

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I Love Him..With No Apologies!!

Many people question my cool…how me and M seem to have this almost ‘perfect’ thing going on. They dont understand how I manage to keep it together. Its been really long. We have grown a lot. Coming all this way, I have come across all sorts of people. Some have tried to discourage, some have encouraged. I appreciate all alike. Everyone has a right to their opinion. For some, whatever I do doesnt matter anyway. But this is what I have to say;

You are not the one I cried to when I was broken and feeling unloved,

You are not the one I ran to when I felt like giving up, when I had nowhere else to turn to,

You are not the one who held me close when I felt I had really messed up, and assuerd me that it would all be okay,

You are not the one I constantly share with my deepest and darkest,

You are not the one who quickly pointed out when you thought I was headed the wrong way, found a loving way to do it.

Yet here you are trying to plant doubt, trying to make me question the reason why everything seems so perfect.

See we humans are so used to bad things happening in our lives to the extent that we fail to see the good when it comes, and even if we see it, we dont take it in willingly but try to push it away because we feel perhaps we dont deserve. We really dont, actually..but its all ours anyway.

Doubt..flee my heart and mind today. Fear leave me right this moment.

I now take up my blessings as my very own and bask in the light that the cast upon my life.

No apologies,
Love.

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