Friendship; they say is a 2-way street. Where both of you give and receive…meet each other halfway. So if you find yourself always going all the way, you seriously need to recheck that.
Young as I may be, I have learnt quite a bit about friendship. Through experiences both good and bad. I’ve had friends who will do almost anything for me and I’ve had some who will do everything to be me and make sure they step on me along the way. Yes, I’ve also had those who have done everything they can to frustrate me. With time, I’ve learnt to drop them and move on.
Its hard when you start off as really great friends then all of a sudden things have to change and you wonder what to do because;
1. You have shared so much with this person to just let go.
2. You believe that you can forgive and it can all be better.
3. You are afraid of starting all over, getting a whole bunch of new better friends from wherever..you know those dont come easy.
Yes. You are willing to compromise just to avoid being lonely. Sometimes being lonely is for your very own good. No more drama. No more heartbreak. In time, you learn to embrace the ‘lonely’ as just some quiet peace which you even start to revel in.
I constantly find myself always being the one who checks up on my friends. Am the one who will always start up a chat and then most of the times even be left hanging. I will go out of my way to visit then while they make up excuses as to why they dont reciprocate. Whenever I come up with a ‘lets meet and hang out’ venture, they always have to postpone (then sometimes it doesnt even happen) but then when its them who come up with it, it usually happens. Its frustrating!!
I used to ask myself why most friends just needed me when they wanted something like;
1. If they needed someone to take them to shopping!! Am a very good ‘shopping-buddy’ I have quite an eye for good stuff and a great bargaining power where necessary. Then I always know where what is amd at what price. So they pretty much just reduced to that. Some kind of consultant.
2. If they had some really pressing gossip they needed to share with someone. I had to be the receiving ears. Okay. I admit. I love gossip. But if its you doing all the talking. Its gonna start to really piss me off!!
3. If they needed to borrow something that they know only I have or only I will be willing to lend them. Like a certain red belt. Or the little black dress.
So while trying to compromise, it became more frustrating and so one day I reached breaking point. I decided I had had enough crap for so long. I too had feelings and I too wanted people to keep checking up on me as I did them every once in a while. I thought to myself, “We are all busy, you know. Some of us just think friendship is more important than all that stuff we claim to be busy about. Because when its all over, atleast we shall have our friends to hang on to/with..”
I completely withdrew and decided to sit back, realx, and quit trying so hard. To just reallg wait and see who were my real friends. And it worked. Ofcourse very few turned out to be true friends. As of now, the last time I saw some of them was a year ago and yes-we no longer talk. Some we talk like just once a year and thats it.
It hurts when I realize that I was probably the only one putting in the most, if not all the effort in such friendships coz how come it all went crushing down when I decided to take a rest?
Am done crying about it now, haha. If you know you are such a friend. Yes, I will say this like I always do, Flee! Its not worth it. Hold on to those that really matter to you, and they should matter because you matter to them too! As for the rest, let them go. There are so many other people out there that they can manipulate and it doesnt have to be you!!
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