F.R.O.G – Fully Rely On God

Its in times like this, when am feeling so helpless that I continue to realize that I am nothing on my own. The reason I even stand is because He says I can. I breathe because of His grace that gives me the ability to. I guess sometimes its okay to be broken so we can rise up again and do better than we could ever imagine. Maybe its not so bad that we fall sometimes, because its in that falling that we spring up and shoot even higher..

Its in such trying times that I realize the extent of the goodness that awaits me. Such trials only come when we have something really great awaiting us on the other side. It can only be this dark because there is such bright light in the other side…jus that I have not reached there yet.

End of project 2 and…WHAT!! This one almost had me. Never had a more painful couple of days in arch school ever. Nothing seemed to be working for me right from the beginning. Then came the bombshell..being told to review my design 2 days to the deadline. Now that left me in a daze for quite a while and in a lot of denial. For a couple of hours that evening my head actually felt numb. I had kind of seen it coming, yes but just not to that extent.

I wanted to give up, I really did. I wanted to run away, just didnt know where to. Thoughts of quitting even crossed my mind at some point. I couldnt believe that things were going so astray. I wondered where I had gone wrong. Is it the two crucial days I had missed when I had travelled upcountry for my uncle’s funeral? The way I had come back in such a panic wondering where to begin..But I had no control over that. Then I remembered that even before that, I was still panicky and unsettled so there had to be another problem.

PRAYER

See for a while now I have been walking around thinking everything happens by default. That things just happen automatically. I guess I just needed some reminding. Maybe I just did not learn from that first time, or maybe I just thought that thats all it was-the first time. (the first project)

Sometimes I guess it takes some pain for us to learn. I need to have a constamt reminder in my life, to Fully Rely On God. He comes through for me no matter what so I dont know why it has to reach some extents for me to remember that He rules!!

I just submitted my work today andย  thats the reason I even get the strength to write. The fact that I have finally met the deadline gives me some sort of peace. The grades that will come out of that project,..well..I can only trust in God’s grace. Its been a real struggle.

This is it!! There is something I had promised myself during the holidays-that I would start a happiness lifestyle..all day everyday. I was thinking of making an entry everyday atleast to just appreciate all the reasons God has given me to be happy. Too bad I have never even revisited the idea. Well I guess this is the time to do it. Start An Everyday Happiness Regime. Because honestly I have realized lately i have been cultivating a really crappy attitude towards life and mostly everything about this academic year. I begin tomorrow.

As for today, I just want to remind y’all not to wait for when you feel your worst so that you can rush to God with all sorts of promises. Make it a habit..Make it an Everyday thing. There is nowhere you can go without Him. You need Him now and forever more.

Blessings y’all.
Love.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Feelings

Cherish your doubts.
They are the seeds of Mystery.

Embrace your sadness.
Great joy lies within.

Turn to face your fears.
At their core lies peace beyond words.

Celebrate your boredom.
It is radically alive.

Hold your grief.
Let it break your heart wide open.

Befriend your anger.
Know it intimately as the life power that burns suns.

Acknowledge your pain.
It is the body’s plea for kind attention.

All feelings are deeply intelligent.
Get out of their way.
Let them do their sacred, universal work.

Adapted from “Rebel Thriver” a facebook page I sooo love to browse through. Filled with so many beautiful truths. Do check it out when you can. I know you’ll love it too!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Stay true to yourselves,
Love.

Posted from WordPress for Android

I Blame The Things He Said To Me

He caught me off guard..all that flirting was new to me. I never expected anything from it, thought it was worth the fun of being young.. See I was 15, I was just learning the ropes.

We started this cat and mouse game that seemed to be harmless. He would ask me out and I would constantly say no. He would walk me back home after an afternoon spent taking a walk. I had never felt that special in my life; he knew just the right words to say to me..the right tone of voice to use on me and just the right look to give me when I caught him staring.

Even though I knew it wouldnt last, my heart was starting to give in. He was too good to be true..and even though something told me that he was just having fun..also learning new things, I loved all the attention he gave me. He on the other hand, thought of me as quite a mystery..was intrigued by my principles and thought I was a very rare kind of girl. So he kept on chasing…. ๐Ÿ˜‰

It complicated things a bit for me because he kept saying how much he liked me and well…it was also starting to look like I washis “girlfriend”….We had only gone us far as a hug but one day on the bus,ย  on our way home..he whispered how much he wanted to kiss me. I lingered on that fantasy and I fell into some kind of trance.

However I could very easily see how this guy worked. Heck!! Guy was just having fun. Trying his luck at the seemingly endless sea of possibilities. Therefore I brought up my first DTR!! I needed to know how he really felt about me. Had to find out where we were headed…coz truth be told, I knew there were so many like me in his life. Wide-eyed and smitten!

So I asked him what exactly we had going on for us. I asked him who I was to him!

Then came the **bombshell**

After all that time I spent with him..after all those sweet-nothings he whispered to me when no-one was looking. After all the things he did to make me feel special and like the only girl in the world for him. He broke My heart!

I had fallen for all his lies and when he saw that there was nothing in it for him. He told me that he really really liked me but he was not ready for a relationship! Then after a lot of…bla..bla..bla…he said that I was just a friend!! I remember slamming the gate shut on his face that day and rushing off to my room to cry myself to sleep. He managed to make me cry for something I had known was never going to be, right from the start!

I felt like quite the fool! He tried to call me that night and many more nights after, left many texts none of which I bothered to reply. He sent me letters that I dont remember even replying. He explained that being with me would cause him to compromise with his christianity. It would be temping for him..bla..bla.. He should have known that before he led me on!! I wrote him letters from my aching heart..letters that were too hurtful to send..letters that I kept in my bedside drawer until the day I shredded them and burnt them..and let go.
I never knew the word then..but now am pretty sure that that was the first guy who FRIENDZONED me!!

But heeey…karma is a bitch and so I let karma do my dirty work!!

2 years later he came to our place so much to my surprise. I had long forgotten my pain and ao we chatted away, like good old friends…all grown up and mature. I could tell the real reason why he had come though. And it was definitely not to catch up with an old friend over a glass of juice.

As I saw him off that day, he managed to do that which he had come to do…ask me to be his girlfriend!! I just looked at him with so much disgust..and said NO to his face and it felt like the sweetest revenge. I was happy with M and needed no more guys in my life. That I made clear to him. Told him that what whe had had im the past was just that…the past! History! He kept insisting and started to get on my nerve. I remember to the point where I stopped walking and told him I had to say goodbye. He then had the audacity to ask me for a hug. Yes!! I did just that!! Left him there high and dry, without even as much as a handshake….

I think of my naivety then..and just laugh at how much I was willing to give it a shot!! My fearlessness then, I admire a lot. I kind of have lost some of that…I guess because I learnt when you risk, you risk getting hurt.

Once bitten,
Love.

Posted from WordPress for Android