Fight For Your Happiness

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own
blessings.

And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about
maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness
forever, to stay afloat on top of it.

If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s
easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has
passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

#Happiness Convert#
Love.

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He Changed My Heart

Last day of holiday and am already feeling nostalgic. This has been among the best holidays I have ever had. It has been a holiday in its true essence. I have rested enough and right now I am feeling so refreshed, its amazing. I really needed it.

This holiday, I started this blog just as a by the way and it even surprises me how much it has come to mean to me. You, dear friends have made it what it is today and I will always cherish you. Your support; follows, likes and encouragement keeps me motivated.

It has become a sort of accountability platform for me. Sometimes I even find myself thinking..”well..I wrote in the blog that one should be fearless so perhaps I should start practising it..” Makes me want to have a ‘Walk-The-Talk’ attitude. 🙂

When the holiday started, I had to keep my fingers crossed that things at home would remain calm. Being around my parents for so long is usually not so pretty because argument and misunderstanding is bound to happen. However, I have smoothly sailed through this holiday with nothing but good times and no arguments whatsoever. Mind you it has been a whole 3 months.

Lesson Learnt;

“..Maybe God is not changing your situation because He wants to change your heart first..”

I began this holiday with a prayer, that God may intervene for my family; that my dad may become more understanding, and get rid of his temper and that my mum would be more supportive and stop being on his side all the time leaving us kids to suffer under his control and outbursts of anger. I also prayed that I may have the strength and positivity to cope with all these.

Well, looking back, not much has changed about them really, just that I have been careful not to fall victim and God has been gracious. I have been Managing My Emotions..Funny thing, not really funny though, its actually kind of sad; they have had arguments among themselves due on the same-misunderstanding, tiemper.

So am looking at all these, and I begin to realize that God indeed did something really special to me..in me. Something that I will forever be grateful for. He changed my Heart..which has changed my mind, soul. See I no longer think the way I thought, of all the bad that lurked in the dark, the future and the present, past. I have learnt to let God take full control of my tommorrow. My today, He deals with it moment by moment. I dont have to worry about anything because He is Able. He is God over our past, present and future.

My Happiness Journey came as a result of this immense peace I experienced after I made that prayer. I knew I needed strength to sustain it. His Grace has been sufficient all these days. As I go back to school, For the rest of my life’s journey too I pray that His Joy shall be My strength. I know this probably feels like it but No..its not a Goodbye. Just kind of a transition post for me.. Well..then again I might not be able to blog as much with school but Ill try. Oh..and get ready to learn about Architecture..coz it will be all I eat, drink, sleep, think..and talk about. Hallo Arch School!!

Blessings,
Love.

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Perfect Timing

Lately, I have been thinking a lot. A lot has been going on in my heart too. Its been very confusing..the issue with ‘the other gentleman’..I have been praying about it..very reluctantly though, because I kind of dont want all this excitement I feel to end. 😦

Then today I watched “Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counsellor” by Tyler Perry. *No spoilers so y’all try get it..and watch it..and you’ll know what am talking about. In a way it has pierced right through the depths of my soul, my spirit. It has illuminated all the good that I sometimes fail to see and also really brought out all the dark corners of that winding road that I so often find myself wondering about.

I know when He speaks to my heart and right through those close to 2 hours, He did. He reminded me everything that I was starting to push away. It was just the Perfect Timing. 🙂

Stay Beautiful.
Love

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A Solder Lives…To Fight Another Day.

We come to a point in our lives when for a split second, everything seems so perfect. This is when all that ever bothered you is no longer a problem but merely a figment of your memory. You reach a point where you can comfortably laugh it off and brush it off as a ‘lesson-learnt’.

Sometimes I even have to pinch myself, refusing to believe for just a moment, that my family is as blessed as we are now. We have our struggles, yes. But nothing compared to the horrors of yesterday. I am still amazed at how far we have come..each one of us. Trully, God answers prayers.

10years ago, a time like this, I would probably be locked up in my room trying to drown myself in little sketches that I liked to do when I was sad and feeling lonely. I would then try to numb the recurring stomach ulcers with some soft humming from my favourite radio. I would try to occupy my mind so much so that I would not even dare think about the violence that would follow in the night; the yelling, throwing around of furniture and utensils, the beatings, the exchange of words, the rumours that would go around among the neighbours the following morning, missed breakfast, getting late to school, skipping lunch coz of too much stress.

It left me and my 8 year-old sister so scared and helpless. Even though he didnt touch or insult us, the much he did to my mother was enough to scar us and to make us hate him more everyday. Alcohol. He had succumbed to it. It was ruining our lives. We suffered for 7 long years. On and Off. On and Off.

Finally, around this time, in 2005, we managed to convince him to go to rehab. Yes. God had finally changed his heart, made him more willing to give it a try. Second Chances. Our prayers of Redemption were finally being answered. This was only the beginning. He recovered well in those three months he was there and then joined us.

If you see us today, its unbelievable. Many wonder how we did it. It was God’s Divine Power. My mother, sister and I clung to prayers like they were our daily bread…our breathe. They actually were, come to think of it. Soon after, we even moved to a new neighbourhood…way better by standards and even psychologically. There was no point of staying there, where we were under constant scrutiny from the neighbours, waiting for any slight fall. It was a fresh start for us.

Dad has been sober for 8 years now. I am proud of him. Never misses mass on Sundays. The most positive person I have ever met. Sometimes he can be so positive it even starts to get annoying. Haha. Well…I have started to turn into that myself.

You might think that it is now so perfect. Yes…perhaps when compared to the past, but in reality, no, far from it. But we are managing. The hardest thing has been trying to rebuild the burnt bridges. The fear we had for him still lingers on. We used to isolate ourselves and avoid him and thus we never really got to bond well. We are obviously closer to mother and so sometimes he feels left out and instead of trying to reach out he gets angry and pushes us away. Its a struggle getting to know each other all over again. He is a perfectionist, likes to have all control and is very short-tempered. Am getting used to that. Its not easy, but am trying. We all are.

He wrote me a letter when I was still away in highschool; in boarding school. Of all the things he said, “A Soldier Live To Fight Another Day”..has remained etched in my heart. I hold on to that everyday. Things never get easier. We only get tougher!

Stay Strong,
Love.

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And Am Still Counting…..

The more I do this, the more I realize that am in a battle. A battle against my enemy. I guess I could could also say a battle against myself because “you are your own worst enemy”.. I still feel it in my heart, hear it in my mind-the temptation to give up, to give in..

I-Wont-Give-Up

Day 67 and still counting. I have loved every step of this journey. When I started this, I merely thought I was doing it for just that one moment when I was feeling down. And even when I cried to God that Sunday the 19th May this year, to lift the burden that has always been my pain, off my shoulders, I thought that perhaps I was just being over-emotional. But actually, that is the very day that I let go.

let-go

Something about living “happy”. At first, it can seem to get very boring because the life that used to make me happy, I am done with. I dont even crave for it-the partying, the gossiping with friends, the alcohol, the sex. All that is vanity of vanities. Like the passing wind. Things that only left me feeling more broken. Yes..Though I hate to admit it sometimes.

It amazes me how fast time is flying by. More so, I begin to thi.nk that its probably because I am at my very best state of body, heart and mind. Never been so peaceful for this long-in My Whole Life!! Its beautiful.
I used to say that I like to take each day at a time but those, days, those were just words….to perhaps make me feel good about myself.

Nowadays, I literally live One Day At A Time!! How??..u may ask.

First of all, I dont allow myself to think of some of the negativities of the past. When I find myself thinking about it though, I will either try to see the good that came out of it but if that doesnt work, I just quickly brush it off. I find myself planning stuff..a lot. I can think up almost everything I will say and do when I attend say, an event like a graduation party. I start to wonder who will be there, and some other details that surprise even me. Then I start to imagine things that could go wrong. Consequently, I start to stress over it then I get upset for nothing.

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But, I have learnt to Be Still and to live in the moment. Nowadays when I find myself obsessing over things I cant control, like the future, I usually tell myself this; ‘Tommorrow, you will deal with itself!! I am living in the Now..in the Today!! So for now, Give me a break!!”

My prayer; that this wont end in Day 110 but will be a Lifetime Change for me. Join me people, in this Happiness Journey!!

Still counting,
Love.

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