Waiting…One Day At A Time.

I was going to write and post this when we hit the 2month mark but I’m too excited to keep it to myself.

Its been 7 weeks since both M and I quit sex. This is by so far the longest we’ve ever stayed off it. And its not because we are not hot for each other or in good terms. He hasnt travelles abroad or something. He still lives 30 minutes away from me and the love we share still feels so very fresh. Like it just got breathed into our souls a new.

Am loving the fact that we are in this together. I remember 4 years ago when we both gave ourselves to each other. We had been trying for a while and everytime we dint go through with it because of one reason or the other, part of me was sort of relived that I still had within me, my most precious gift that I had been saving for my husband come our wedding day.

Then on that particular cold Monday in July, we finally did it. We had waited for 2 years and we decided that maybe it was time beause honestly, waiting till marriage was starting to sound like a big joke. See marriage would only be practical after we were done with college and atleast had jobs. Looking into my future, I still had 6 years of Arch School that I hadnt even started yet and so it meant that we would do it after a whooping total of 8 years of a relationship. And all that just sounded like crap!!

So, there we were; both our virginities were now no more and we began to explore this new world…completely ignoring pointing fingers from close friends and even the quiet inner voice called GUILT.. What followed was often an on and off trials at secondary virginity for the both of us. Sometimes it was him who would strongly suggest we should stop. At other times it would be me. But this time, it was the both of us. And we began to even pray about it seriously.

The thing is, we have never really given it our best in the past. Probably why it never works out. I mean, how do we expect it to work out with all those weekend sleepovers still going on. Then personally, I had never really prayed about it because I was somehow not ready to give up that life of pleasure and excitenent just yet. Perhaps I felt I needed to enjoy my ‘youth’. So whenever we would agree to pray about it, it was only theoretical for me. I did not. Because I know only too well, the power of prayer and i knew that if I prayed about it, we would definitely succeed at it..this journey of secondary virginity.

BUT..
Going back to school this september kind of sets me off in a panic. Having all that freedom. See on holiday, I cant afford to sleep away from home so really…that has also worked for us. Atleast he has finished college so he will no longer stay at hostels 5minutes away from mine. Plenty of motels/hotels out there though. Plus he will be home alone sometimes. *ahem* Wow! I guess that will be the beginning of the true test of our self-control, huh.

When I start to think of that looming temptation coming our way, its easy for me to think..”oh well..i guess we wont be able to resist that so…” and I do think about that a lot. Anyway, no more thinking then. Just taking each day at a time!! Wish me luck!

Xoxo
Love.

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My journey to ‘A Happier Me’

Happiness comes to those who seek it.
All I knew as I was coming home this holiday is that I wanted the perfect vacation, the happiest most peaceful one. And now, day 45 almost halfway into it, I can proudly say, I have never experienced such peace.

This is how it played out;
In the past, that is past two long holidays, I have often rushed to get attachment and I must say, that kind of has robbed me of that ‘perfect holiday’, fatigue from work and the constant bullying by the boss, with his endless nagging and close to supernatural demands.

Not to forget arguments with parents concerning the same attachment. Disagreements over which firm I should work for and which not. Leading to unnecessary bitterness and grudges because, I for one, thought they had crossed the line…trying to control every bit of my life. While they, on the other hand, thought I was being very rebellious. Well, things were left very sour, even at the end of that 3month holiday and I hated it!! Thats not what holidays were for>>>>

I remember one particular day when I was feeling extremely stressed out. And I told God that if its attachments that are driving the wedge between me and my parents, then am not so sure if they are worth it. I told God that on my next holiday I want to be at peace, I want to just be me, no annoying bosses, no more annoying my parents.

Thus, in the course of my semester I started to think up ways I would achieve that happiness. How I would, in a wholesome way, have the ultimate holiday.

Mentally:
1. I was going to take up any little design project that came my way. Either through referrals or friends or family (currently working on my dad’s office interiors) :))

2. While I was still in school, I had passed up a design competition opportunity partly because I was so busy with the semester projects and partly because I kept procastinating it and it really ached when the results came out and I realized I could have easily made it to the finals. But that was merely theoretical, right? Perhaps not… ๐Ÿ˜‰

So I swore that during the long holiday, I would take up any design competition that came my way. (currently working on a design right now, started it on the second week of my holiday, due mid August. Y’all wish me luck. 1000USD at stake here!! ;))

3. I have like more than 20 architecture ebooks and I always complain during school, how hard it is to read one, cover to cover. I mostly use them as reference books. (currently done reading a certain book on architectural sustainability and My! Oh My! Boy have I been missing out!! )

Emotionally
1.I am quite the emotional type. I get teared up at the slightest things. Always trying to work on it though. Back in school I even got myself a book. ” Managing Your Emotions” by Joyce Meyer. And well, am still reading it. Okay, honestly I wanna continue reading it today…since the beginning of the holiday.

2 Emotionally also; I tend to get into stupid fights with my boyfriend a lot more when we are apart from each other than when we are together. In school; we see each other almost everyday. At home; every once a week. (this time though none of that has happened. ๐Ÿ™‚ i have learnt to get a grip of my emotions more.)

Spiritually
1.Well, I go to church atleast every Sunday andย  I know that doesnt count as being spiritually stable at all. So I search myself deeper…my inner self. And one thing that I must confess that has me in bondage, is sexual sin. See, though me and my boyfriend are christians, and believers at that, we struggle a lot with sexual sin. And its easier during the holidays, to stave off the urges and to focus on other things….

We have been together for 6 years now, and we have been having sex in 4 of those. Quite a dilemma this has been. But we are working on it. (for the first time ever, we were able to stay 5 weeks without giving on and then when we finally did, we swore to make thing work, and now its going to the 3rd week. Wish me strength y’all :)) I still believe that sex before marriage is wrong.

2.As a way to grow spiritually too, I thought of getting christian novels for once!!! Always thought them to be boring and condescending, judgmental and full of threats. Much to my shock and delight, I found them to be the best books one could ever read in their life. So refreshing. (am now going to my 4th book, after reading ‘Oceans Apart’, ‘Divine’, and ‘Redemption’…all by Karen Kingsbury.) Get them…if you love life!! And if you are seeking that indepth knowledge of how God can work in your life.

Wow! Cant believe I have to do this..again…cut short my post. But, I have to call the contractor doing my dad’s office interiors and set up a meeting with him and get my design rolling!!!! Catch y’all later! Don go nowhere! Hehehehe..

Wish me luck!
Love

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