F.R.O.G – Fully Rely On God

Its in times like this, when am feeling so helpless that I continue to realize that I am nothing on my own. The reason I even stand is because He says I can. I breathe because of His grace that gives me the ability to. I guess sometimes its okay to be broken so we can rise up again and do better than we could ever imagine. Maybe its not so bad that we fall sometimes, because its in that falling that we spring up and shoot even higher..

Its in such trying times that I realize the extent of the goodness that awaits me. Such trials only come when we have something really great awaiting us on the other side. It can only be this dark because there is such bright light in the other side…jus that I have not reached there yet.

End of project 2 and…WHAT!! This one almost had me. Never had a more painful couple of days in arch school ever. Nothing seemed to be working for me right from the beginning. Then came the bombshell..being told to review my design 2 days to the deadline. Now that left me in a daze for quite a while and in a lot of denial. For a couple of hours that evening my head actually felt numb. I had kind of seen it coming, yes but just not to that extent.

I wanted to give up, I really did. I wanted to run away, just didnt know where to. Thoughts of quitting even crossed my mind at some point. I couldnt believe that things were going so astray. I wondered where I had gone wrong. Is it the two crucial days I had missed when I had travelled upcountry for my uncle’s funeral? The way I had come back in such a panic wondering where to begin..But I had no control over that. Then I remembered that even before that, I was still panicky and unsettled so there had to be another problem.

PRAYER

See for a while now I have been walking around thinking everything happens by default. That things just happen automatically. I guess I just needed some reminding. Maybe I just did not learn from that first time, or maybe I just thought that thats all it was-the first time. (the first project)

Sometimes I guess it takes some pain for us to learn. I need to have a constamt reminder in my life, to Fully Rely On God. He comes through for me no matter what so I dont know why it has to reach some extents for me to remember that He rules!!

I just submitted my work today and  thats the reason I even get the strength to write. The fact that I have finally met the deadline gives me some sort of peace. The grades that will come out of that project,..well..I can only trust in God’s grace. Its been a real struggle.

This is it!! There is something I had promised myself during the holidays-that I would start a happiness lifestyle..all day everyday. I was thinking of making an entry everyday atleast to just appreciate all the reasons God has given me to be happy. Too bad I have never even revisited the idea. Well I guess this is the time to do it. Start An Everyday Happiness Regime. Because honestly I have realized lately i have been cultivating a really crappy attitude towards life and mostly everything about this academic year. I begin tomorrow.

As for today, I just want to remind y’all not to wait for when you feel your worst so that you can rush to God with all sorts of promises. Make it a habit..Make it an Everyday thing. There is nowhere you can go without Him. You need Him now and forever more.

Blessings y’all.
Love.

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This One Shall Be My Comeback!!

One project down..close to 6 more to go. How am I feeling? Pathetic! Depressed-ish! Like I could have done better in this first one. Project introduction and site-visit on the first day of reporting literally just left me damaged. Psychologically, mentally, physically not so much. It was atleast not the hallo I expected though I didnt expect some sort of embrace and sweets being dished out to each one of us. Its 4th year..not 2nd year no more!! Reality hits me over and over again.

This marathon is taking a lot of getting used to. It feels more like punishment as the day goes by. I guess thats why some call it architoture. :/ I know I have started out on some kind of slowmotion..switching software and all..just so I can produce more workable designs. Gone are the days when I would sail my way through academic years with iconic concepts that werent exactly that easy for an engineer to interpret. This will definitely take A LOT of getting used to. Getting off my comfortzone.

I have been beating myself up..A Lot!! Changing softwares especiakky felt really bad!! Kind of like I was having a really really bad breakup that is inevitable. It almost killed my drive. BUT..I am really surprised, the things I was able to do with this new one. It was a really good surprise and one that uplifted me when I was starting to feel really down. God’s grace is what I can call it.

The fact that I havent been as psyked as most of my colleagues have, has been kind of frustrating really. How everybody else is working their ass off like they are doing last project on earth while am here just simply working according to my moods. I guess I just dont wanna burn out before the last project is over. Missing my period last semester for a straight 3 months was not even funny. Yes. Welcome to architecture..where the stress is enough to hibernate some of your body organs. Looking back though, it was kind of worth it.

Funny thing though, I have noticed I always start all my academic years like this. Kind of chilled, almost blase even..getting to see where everybody is at; my colleagues, my lecturers..then BAM!! I hit when they least expect it!! Haha. But really, it takes a lot of strength, resilience, patience..this course. I cant help but wonder how it would be like if I didnt actually enjoy architecture. Man, it would be really crappy!!

Ooookaay!! Enough sobbing around!! Hallo Project 2!! Lets get this party started. I have 3 weeks to get it done. Its all about landscaping the previous project. Its my 1st landscaping project actually. I know this one shall be my come back!! 🙂 That I can feel in my veins. Wish me luck people. :*

xoxo,
Love.

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I Will Soar Like An Eagle…

The eagle is the most majestic bird in the sky, but something happens to all Eagles at least once in their lifetime, they molt.

In the life of every Eagle, they will go through a molting process that can bring with it a great depression.

This is a wilderness time where;

*They begin to lose their feathers, and their beak and claws begin to alter as well.

*The eagle will walk like a turkey and they has no strength at all to fly.

*The molting eagle finds himself in the valley, unable to fly, with its feathers falling out.

*They lose their ability to see, as well, their vision weakens during this time.

*Calcium builds up on their beaks and they can’t hold their heads up.

*This is so traumatic, to the proud majestic birds that Eagles truly are. They lose their desire to eat, they only eat fresh meat and they have no strength to hunt..

But then another phenomenon takes place….

*When the molting eagle gets in this last state, often times they will begin to peck on each other, occasionally killing another molting eagle, as they gather together in one place.

*At this time they will choose some area of a mountain range where the sun can shine directly on them, and they will lie on a rock and bathe in the sun.

*During this time other eagles come and drop food to the ones going through this “molting” stage. But, its never the younger eagles that are dropping the food, it is always the older eagles that have survived this experience and know what the “molting” eagle is going through.

.. “It is a most pathetic sight to see. Four or five eagles molting in the valley, where they once would only soar over to look for fresh kill. “…

But, If they don’t renew, they will die. ”

They grow weaker and weaker. Suddenly there comes a sound from the sky over the valley. Screaming loudly, another group of eagles fly overhead and drop fresh meat over the dying birds. The screaming is encouragement. That’s what they reckon; the screaming is encouragement from other Eagles who have already gone through this. Some eat and recover but others roll over and die.

Any of this sounds familiar? Yes. ..thought so. This stage of the life of an eagle sounds so much like what I am going through right now. What you or someone you might know, may be going through.

This is how I relate;

1. It takes place in a valley

We all know that life is not always on the mountain top. It has its ups and downs..hills and valleys. It’s not always soaring in the heavenlies. And like a friend of mine once told me on a particular Monday when she was not in the best of moods..’Every day is not a Sunday.’.. I will never forget that fact. There will times when we feel we are in a valley / a wilderness maybe… But I love to read Genesis 26:19 because it talks about Isaac being brought into a valley, we are told that he had to dig there, and when he dug, he found a well of fresh running water.

But then when the Eagle is like this…

2. They lose their desire to eat

Times like I usually feel like I have lost hope in all I have ever believed in. Nothing makes sense anymore and so I avoid the very thing that can help me-God’s Word. Times when I should be praying like never before, are the times am most angry at God and feel like I cant even utter a word to Him.

Then there is another thing

3. Their vision goes

That sublime vision that is so awesome, so inspiring, the Eagle could spot a rabbit miles away… Things that mattered matter no more, like good health and just simply breathe.. Such times all I think of is the pain am going through and I fail to look around me, near me, to see all the goodness, the blessings that surround me despite my problems.

“Don’t let ’em clouds cloud your vision…”

A. Hurts can cloud your vision
B. People can
C. Church life can / its bickering / squabbling can

Then this happens to the Eagle at the time of molting..

4. Calcium builds up on its beak, and they find themselves looking down. Bad habits are very easy to acquire during the times we are low. Habits such as drunkenness, promiscuity, arrogance, cruelty and a lot of negative attitude.

When you urn your eyes upon Jesus look fully in His wonderful face, things of earth will grow strangely dim In the light of His glory and grace…

But then they tell us;

5. The Eagle begins to help its self in this state

They scratch at their own claws until they are down to nothing and so will grow new again.They will knock beaks until the calcium that was weighing them down falls.
I like to look at this way; the old calcium is the old us..our old bad habits that must die because they will be of no use to us in the place we are going..when we soar. 

Then again, God helps those who help themselves. If we make the effort God will respond to that. Sitting about moping, sitting about reeling is not the thing to do.
But the greatest thing of all The Eagle does to benefit itself while it is in this state of molting is to choose a spot were the sun can shine directly on them. Eagles will find a rock and they will lay on it. They will do so as they bathe in the presence of the sun. They will let the sun beam down on them. They will wait just there and its here that they begin to get renewed.

            “…Be Still…”

…”Isaiah 40:31. But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint….”

I hope this detailed account of the eagle’s molting stage is as encouraging to you as it is to me.

Then always remember this pals, if God can restore an eagle..a bird.. how much more can He do for us then, His children…. Its Simply Amazing!! 🙂

Soaring,
Love.

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