Lets Just Skip To The Best Part

“The wind that blows can never kill The tree God plants;
It bloweth east; it bloweth west;
The tender leaves have little rest, But any wind that blows is best.
The tree God plants Strikes deeper root, grows higher still, Spreads wider boughs, for God’s good-will Meets all its wants.”

—LILLIE E. BARR.

As long as I belong to Him…I know that no matter what comes my way, I shall continue to stand. When am going through hard times, I like to remind myself that “He will carry me through…”

And even now..as I usher in my 4th year of Arch School, I am scared stiff. As the Arch School legend goes, it is by far, the toughest most stressful year. Nobody loves tough. My 2nd year was a blast..so much fun..and I would love me days like those every now and then. Unfortunately or fortunately, I have to go through the tough to make me stronger.

Times like this I wish I could just fastfoward to the good parts…like my first graduation, with my first first class.. Whats this talk of firsts, you may wonder.. Ours is a two-tier program where you graduate twice. First graduation is after 4th year, Bachelor in Achitectural Studies. Then there’s an optional continuation to 5th and 6th year where you graduate at the end of 6th year with a Bachelor in Architecture. Difference?? 5th and 6th are thesis years and until you get your BArch at the end of your 6th, you can’t be a registerd architect. Sucks!!

Yes. So times like this I would wish to skip all the stress and sleepless nights in studio, harsh crits by the studio masters..and find myself in a flourishing arch firm earning my first cool 6-figures. But then again, would all these be worth it without the pain? Does it even count, that sort of thing that would come too easily.

Oh Life!! Do you have to be soo hard!! Maybe so we can appreciate you more…huh?  All the same, I pray that He may carry me through, as I begin my 4th this monday. Therefore, I am at rest, I have nothing to worry about for He holds it together for me.

Cheers,
Love.

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Share some Happy!! :)

I remember promising you this one..

In highschool I used to have to deal with not only school stress, but home stress too. Being in boarding school made it way better, because it was some sort of escape from all the unhappiness at home and I would find myself dreading the holidays.

My first year of highschool was literally hell at home…trying to get my then alcoholic father to rehab was close to impossible..atleast he was a bit willing though. My mother therefore channelled all her stress to us. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night when I was at home on holiday and occassionally when I was at school and happened to be hit by bouts of bad memories.

Then I found a way out..

Seeking Happiness… Yes. Same as what I now call, “My Journey to Happiness” I decided to focus on all the positive I could because the negative was threatening to tear me apart. I was an emotional wreck but I decided that I had to now focus on my life and not that of other grownups who had made mistakes….*ahem*

The easiest way I found to focus on the positive was by speaking it and thinking it…even writing it. I began to be more of a listener to my friends and that way I no longer focused on my problems. You’ll be shocked the kind of things people go through everyday in silence. Not only did I feel blessed, but I begun to appreciate the things I had taken for granted.

Thus the ‘counsellor/shrink/psychologist/psychiatrist/bigsiz/relationshipguru’ in me was born. All these are names I’ve been dubbed ever since, both by friends, acquintances and even a couple of strangers.

Interesting thing I came to discover is that, in reverse, I was actually giving myself the therapy I needed. While I would come up with the most encouraging things to say and write up the sweetest, warmest notes to console a hurting heart.., all this would impact me positively too. I would feel consoled, encouraged. Therefore it went a long way to healing my brokenness too.

Nyway…I remember this one time when I tried to convince one of my friends to persevere and just finish highschool in our school as opposed to changing schools. She was really bent on getting transfered, claimed she was so stressed out by the school while in fact the stress was just projected from home. I tried to make her see that, if only she would look at the good and then she would start to feel better. I honestly saw a lot of me in her. Though I had never though of changing schools. I guess it was her way of escaping her anguish.

In most cases I got really connected with friends when they shared with me and I would feel for them sooo immensely to the point of feeling like it had to work out for them no matter what. I would constantly check up on them just to make sure that they were not giving up. I was not ready to give up on them until I saw that they were okay. In a way, them giving up would be too devastatingly discouraging to me…would put it in my head that sometimes things just dont work out. And thats the last thing I wanted to believe. So I pushed hard…probably even harder than I should have.

Then came my breaking point;;

I continued to check on my friend and every tume it seemed that she was doing better only for her to go back to square one. Then this particular Sunday mornig as we were having breakfast before heading to chapel, I noticed that she was feeling really crappy. Thus I felt the need to do what I did best. Listen. Advise. Encourage. In my paralleled self-therapeautic moments of speaking and thinking up wise and touching; consoling and uplifting things, she just snapped!! She yelled at me;  told me that am too positive, even when its not necessary!! ;( I automatically shut out and withdrew.

So there I was in chapel, clenching my fists so hard. Trying to fight the tears that were now free-flowing down my cheeks. And I asked God what bad I had done in trying to be a good friend. I felt so humiliated. I almost gave up.

To this day, I remain a Happiness Convert. Despite the odds. Despite the moments of trials where people make fun of me. I remain who I am because I realize everyday thats the greatest gift that God has given me to share with others whether they want to receive it or not. He has been so good to me, loved me beyond measure and so I continue to strive to share His love…everyday..in any way..

Share the Happy,
Love.

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My Weed Story

Looking back at the 3 past years, I smile. Am halfway through campus and a great future beckons me…My curiosity drives me though it sometimes dreads to break me. I laugh at my mistakes now and live to joke about the tears because now more than ever, I feel so free. (Okay maybe its because am on holiday..) Haha. Wrong! My Happiness journey has has helped me a whole lot.

The past academic year was by far the most stressful and the one that could have totally messed me up. It seriously got me questioning whether architecture was the right course for me. Mild headaches now became an everyday thing.

I remember some days when after a harsh crit, I would retire to my room, lock it, amd shut down my computer which on a normal situation is usually on like 24/7!! And I would get into bed and sleep it all of. Then there would be the weekends when I would decide not touch my design at all!!! And I would party all weekend long. On normal days I go out like once in every 2months. But all the stress pushed me to partyn every single weekend.

I absolutely love dancing and thus alcohol is not a favourite. So the few times I would drink it would be 2 smirnoff ices only. Only coz they taste like soda…sprite actually! Then i turned to doing like 3 shots every time we would go out as a group of classmates.

Then enter (one of the) day I will never forget>>>>>

This particular friday M happened to be having a party over at his hostels. And a campus party is not a party without hard liquor particularly vodka. I went over to say hi and after a couple of hrs I went back to my hostels…with like 125ml of vodka. Since me and my classmates had planned to go out that friday night, to let off steam and ish..

5:00pm I thought to myself.. “why not kickstart the partyn. ” I got a bottle of cocacola and decided to mix a little vodka with it.

6:30pm Am almost done with the vodka now so I decide to just put it all in the 500ml coke bottle so now its half full.

10:00pm I finish gulping the last of the drink and get out of my room to find out if we can start to rock this friday.

11:00pm We are all ready and so we meet up outside and then we share a cookie. We share one among 4 of us. Big Mistake!! By this time am already tipsy from the drink I had been filling myself up with…

11:20pm We are near the club and we are already giggling like craizy!! We enter the club and when we are all settled up the craziness begins….

None of us were up dancing yet which was really weird because we usually start to dance like right at the door of the club. Haha. Talk of mad excitement!! So I asked my girlfriends if the were okay. They said they were fine so minutes later I just stood up and started dancing. Minutes later they joined me. We were with 2 boys by the way. After that we sat down and then it started happening>>>>

The music started to get louder amd louder. At first it was really cool and then it started to sound soooo irritatingly out of this world L.O.U.D!!! Then I decided to stand up and dance. Thats the time I started to really feel it. My body like literally separated from me. Couldnt feel any of my body parts. I remember thinking, “Jesus help me!! I think something is possessing me!” The idea of even calling out Jesus in a club is even distasteful..I know. I should have called Him out when I realized I was under so much stress, in the comfort of my room, right?? In tears..down on my knees, right? But it wasnt that easy. I guess I needed Jesus now…most. When I was messing up so bad!! 😦

Then everyone all of a sudden started to move in slowmotion and everything I imagined, I saw…like how the pictures on the screens were also dancinh around crazily, how the guys at the table in front of us seemed to be planning how they will drug us, kidnap us, rob us and God knows what else!!! “Heck!! They must have already drugged us..thus what am feeling now.” I thought. The waiter (taking their order) seemed to be part of it too. They were probably paying him for successfully managing to lace our drinks. My heart beat rose to a level I had never ever imagined was possible (that I was still alive was another shock too) and I thought I should probably sit down. Between the sudden cold and heat I would feel and the utter thirst and hunger…All my senses were sooo elevated!! I knew was a goner!! So I started to say my last prayers… Because this was all too surreal..unless ofcourse I was dying!! 😦

Now since I couldnt even feel my body, sitting down was starting to prove to be a really tedious task. I knew I wanted to sit down but I just didnt know how to!! Then I started to freak out coz I couldnt talk either yet I knew I had to warn my friends to keep watch of the “kidnappers” At some point, I finally managed to sit down and talk.. I warned my friends and also told them where my keys were lest they were forced to carry me to my room coz honestly, I have never felt so wasted in my life!! I almost grew hysterical with my hallucinations until one of the biys assured me that I was just experiencing a weed high!! :O

NEVER AGAIN!! I swore through my teeth!!!

Thank God the guys were good friends..and that they werent high on weed like us girls or else that night would have gotten really ugly!! gOSH!! We ended up safe and sound in our room at like 5:00am.

Worst mistake was not taking vodka..or taking weed…not even taking both!! BUT…drinking vodka then taking weed!! Vice-versa is not so bad though depending on your tolerance levels, you might just end up in the sick bay if not the E.R…or worse..dead!! I hard to learn the hard way why they say we should not take alcohol or drugs. My curiosity almost messed me up there.

I have been sober for close to 3 months now. But an even more stressful academic year is approaching!! Actually the most stressful year in Arch School!! And I wont lie. Am very very scared. I dont do so well under pressure. Well, I try, but I know I can do better!!

Dont try this at home people..or anywhere else for that matter!! For me, its Once Bitten Twice Shy!!

Stay Sober,
Love.

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