The more I do this, the more I realize that am in a battle. A battle against my enemy. I guess I could could also say a battle against myself because “you are your own worst enemy”.. I still feel it in my heart, hear it in my mind-the temptation to give up, to give in..
Day 67 and still counting. I have loved every step of this journey. When I started this, I merely thought I was doing it for just that one moment when I was feeling down. And even when I cried to God that Sunday the 19th May this year, to lift the burden that has always been my pain, off my shoulders, I thought that perhaps I was just being over-emotional. But actually, that is the very day that I let go.
Something about living “happy”. At first, it can seem to get very boring because the life that used to make me happy, I am done with. I dont even crave for it-the partying, the gossiping with friends, the alcohol, the sex. All that is vanity of vanities. Like the passing wind. Things that only left me feeling more broken. Yes..Though I hate to admit it sometimes.
It amazes me how fast time is flying by. More so, I begin to thi.nk that its probably because I am at my very best state of body, heart and mind. Never been so peaceful for this long-in My Whole Life!! Its beautiful.
I used to say that I like to take each day at a time but those, days, those were just words….to perhaps make me feel good about myself.
Nowadays, I literally live One Day At A Time!! How??..u may ask.
First of all, I dont allow myself to think of some of the negativities of the past. When I find myself thinking about it though, I will either try to see the good that came out of it but if that doesnt work, I just quickly brush it off. I find myself planning stuff..a lot. I can think up almost everything I will say and do when I attend say, an event like a graduation party. I start to wonder who will be there, and some other details that surprise even me. Then I start to imagine things that could go wrong. Consequently, I start to stress over it then I get upset for nothing.
But, I have learnt to Be Still and to live in the moment. Nowadays when I find myself obsessing over things I cant control, like the future, I usually tell myself this; ‘Tommorrow, you will deal with itself!! I am living in the Now..in the Today!! So for now, Give me a break!!”
My prayer; that this wont end in Day 110 but will be a Lifetime Change for me. Join me people, in this Happiness Journey!!
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