Maybe I Want To Get Married To Make Sex Right!!

Yes. I said it!!

This past weekend was the sort of weekend part of me had been dreading.. First of all, it was a party weekend, it had been two months since we ‘bonded’ and we were going to be ‘alone’ at some point. Honestly, we didn’t even think twice!! I know I didn’t.

Now we back to square one. I feel like giving up already. Its not as easy as it seemed. It was probably easy because for those two months we never found ourselves alone. Maybe because we never really had a chance to so we just went with the flow.

We have carefully avoided the topic all weekend but its been like this ‘craizy monkey on my back’..the whole time. So yesterday I broke the awkardness and asked him ” so now whats next?” and he said, ” I dont know”

I’ve heard that before and I know exactly what it means-we just go with the flow.

I honestly dont know how to do this anymore. Things are getting more complicated by the day. Now almost all of a sudden, he has a whole house and car to himself. (his mum has travelled and not even she knows when she will be back) He is soon going to start working, still jobhunting. All these new dynamics are so new to me..and I must say, really different and exciting and all I can think of now is one thing!!

Cant we just get Married Already??

I mean, what are we waiting for. Oh! I know…financial stability, for me to atleast finish my degree..for us to be ‘ready for marriage’. Question is, is there really a time we can say that we are really ‘ready’ for marriage?

Maybe am feeling all this pressure and uneasyness because am a little disappointed at myself. Heck, it was all too conducive, that weekend. All I had to do was lie to my parents that I would be at my sister’s place in campus. Left home on friday morning, was back Monday evening. Yea, all began with a lie.

When I got into this relationship at 17, who am I kidding, I saw none of this coming. Now I have to deal with battling with guilt every once in a while. Am at a crossroads. In the past, I have hit rock bottom with this and I have even suggested that we break up because we cant be together and not ‘fall’.

4 years of ‘bonding’…(we like to call it that to make it seem legit) is not easy to just all of a sudden break off. It feels like a ‘divorce’ of sorts.

Marriage seems to be the ultimate solution to all this. I really envy people who meet and marry in two years. No mambo jambo, all straight to the point and everything runs smoothly. Those definitely have no problem waiting. Heck!! We waited for a year before we kissed..for two years before we first ‘bonded’.

Sometimes life can be so unfair I guess. Its funny how in the past people would just quickly hit it off and introduce each other to their parents and thus make it official. Then more women started getting into careers and soon that fades away. I guess we get what we asked for. I asked God to help me get into Arch school and I got a whooping 6 Years of it! I start my 4th this September.

Some may think “Maybe I want to get Married to make Sex Right”.. Well for now, I wont lie to you, Its mostly that! I will tell you this, like I have been telling everybody else. (though it started out as a joke)

I am Getting Married Next Year!!

Am out,
Love.

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Waiting…One Day At A Time.

I was going to write and post this when we hit the 2month mark but I’m too excited to keep it to myself.

Its been 7 weeks since both M and I quit sex. This is by so far the longest we’ve ever stayed off it. And its not because we are not hot for each other or in good terms. He hasnt travelles abroad or something. He still lives 30 minutes away from me and the love we share still feels so very fresh. Like it just got breathed into our souls a new.

Am loving the fact that we are in this together. I remember 4 years ago when we both gave ourselves to each other. We had been trying for a while and everytime we dint go through with it because of one reason or the other, part of me was sort of relived that I still had within me, my most precious gift that I had been saving for my husband come our wedding day.

Then on that particular cold Monday in July, we finally did it. We had waited for 2 years and we decided that maybe it was time beause honestly, waiting till marriage was starting to sound like a big joke. See marriage would only be practical after we were done with college and atleast had jobs. Looking into my future, I still had 6 years of Arch School that I hadnt even started yet and so it meant that we would do it after a whooping total of 8 years of a relationship. And all that just sounded like crap!!

So, there we were; both our virginities were now no more and we began to explore this new world…completely ignoring pointing fingers from close friends and even the quiet inner voice called GUILT.. What followed was often an on and off trials at secondary virginity for the both of us. Sometimes it was him who would strongly suggest we should stop. At other times it would be me. But this time, it was the both of us. And we began to even pray about it seriously.

The thing is, we have never really given it our best in the past. Probably why it never works out. I mean, how do we expect it to work out with all those weekend sleepovers still going on. Then personally, I had never really prayed about it because I was somehow not ready to give up that life of pleasure and excitenent just yet. Perhaps I felt I needed to enjoy my ‘youth’. So whenever we would agree to pray about it, it was only theoretical for me. I did not. Because I know only too well, the power of prayer and i knew that if I prayed about it, we would definitely succeed at it..this journey of secondary virginity.

BUT..
Going back to school this september kind of sets me off in a panic. Having all that freedom. See on holiday, I cant afford to sleep away from home so really…that has also worked for us. Atleast he has finished college so he will no longer stay at hostels 5minutes away from mine. Plenty of motels/hotels out there though. Plus he will be home alone sometimes. *ahem* Wow! I guess that will be the beginning of the true test of our self-control, huh.

When I start to think of that looming temptation coming our way, its easy for me to think..”oh well..i guess we wont be able to resist that so…” and I do think about that a lot. Anyway, no more thinking then. Just taking each day at a time!! Wish me luck!

Xoxo
Love.

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