Being Real..

One reason why people don’t come to church willingly is because
they don’t want to be judged. They usually already know what is
not right in their lives. The last thing they want to do is to
befriend and open up to people whose lives seem so ‘spiritual’ and
perfect. They don’t want spiritual policemen in their lives!

And it’s not just people outside the church. We all open up to other

people who are real about their struggles and can identify with us.

What will help people most in their quest for the truth about God
and life purpose is for those who have experienced God’s
forgiveness to refrain from being quick to judge and slow to offer
quick advice. When we look down on others, they feel judged,
condemned and unaccepted. And when we offer ready-made
answers we fail to empathize with how complex their problems
really are.
What we instead need to do is to offer grace and acceptance while
living out the truth. People don’t care how much we know if they
don’t know how much we care!


Some time back, I dint get accommodation in our university hostels, due to their high demand and their limited availability.  Well that was sheer bad luck!! Since we get allocation like 2 weeks before we start the semester, I knew I had enough time to try hassle for a place. Just in case someone was selling their room or something.  But to my disappointment, nothing seemed to be coming through for me. And I started getting really desperate and frustrated. Heck! I dint want to be commuting from home while I had been living the ultimate campus life for like a year already.

I knew I had to do something fast! Now, I knew my parents were so relieved, deep down because finally, they would be able to monitor my every move.  Hey, relax, I am like the most obedient child every parent could wish for.  Don’t panic, people. .. Haha. I know its their responsibility but, sometimes it goes to the extreme and its not pretty. Since they were reluctant to paying for off-campus accommodation for me because its usually almost double the price of that of on-campus, I knew I had to sort myself out.

So I came up with a lie that I was sure would win me my way out of the house!! I convinced them to allow me to stay at a friend’s while in fact, I was moving into my boyfriend’s place who would be staying on campus. So I was to stay at this said friend’s place, as I waited to see if I could get my own room. Honestly, I had always wondered what this would be like,,,co-habiting. And so this presented itself as the perfect opportunity.  Then again, through the  stress I was going through, being left out by the accommodation system, and having all my classmates pity me for being so unlucky,,I could use a drink(co-habiting)

Then along came my girlfriend from way back in highschool. We had been so tight back then, the kind of friend you share all your secrets with, and laugh with at the silliest things, share your craizy dreams and ideas with. Visit each other during holidays, spend hours talking about the most nonesensical things…. YES!! That kind of friend. We promised each other that we would not grow apart, even when we discovered that we would be going to different campuses. But time would tell… Our meetings became more rare and we talked less. 😦

I was able to notice that a few things about her had changed though.  See when she first joined campus, it had all been too overwhelming for her, the new-found freedom with all the temptations that come along with it. All night long clubbing was now her thing, taking liquor.. And even though I was already a year after I’d been deflowered, hers was still intact. Though she was still really fascinated about my situation and would constantly ask away; the details and probe me to explain it well enough. However, the next semester, she was beginning to feel really bad about her new “wild” and “free” nature. Maybe because she had, in her drunken episodes, kissed her friend’s bf as she watched. :O…I don’t know. But yes, this change gradually became a new sense of peace and spiritual journey for her whereby she reconnected with God and forgave herself for that “sinful” past.


Then came he huge blow..One day, she had come to visit a pal of hers in our campus and she didn’t find her around so she thought she would stop by my place..of which, I dint have a “place”. haha. I looked at her phone as it rang, still contemplating on picking it, (because she had texted me before and I had not replied yet) trying to think up a lie to tell her. By now the phone had rang for so long and I thought to myself, “Heck!! I don’t care what she thinks”  See we had stayed so long without talking and due to that she had even missed out on this new development in my life; me missing a room and moving in with my bf.

What!!! I was given such a lecture!! I might have forgiven it, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the “judgement” I received that day.  You know the way you tell your friend something that you are up to that is not so nice in the hope that maybe they won’t make you feel so bad about it…SHOCK ON ME!!!

This is how it went;

—me giving her directions over the phone..”take the left turn and come up the stairs to the 2nd floor”

—-we finally meet and exchange pleasantries, then she blurts out..”oh, you guys have mixed hostels”

—me knowing the moment I had been dreading has come..”well, staying at my bf’s place”

—-her, in utter shock at my “madness'(she didn’t have to say it, but I knew that is what she thought of it)..”WHY!!??”

—me..”well..because I missed a room”

—her..”why didn’t u stay back home..? does your mum know about this??”

By this time, I was the one in shock!! And anger was starting to build up and fast!! I told her of course my my parents knew none of this. So we took a walk to our mutual friend’s place as we had planned earlier. Now this is where S#@$T got ReAL!! haha. She told me that she couldn’t believe that I would stoop to that level. That she didn’t think that I would do something like that, cohabiting was wrong, bla, bla, and that the me she knew back then was gone! My!! I told her that my decision was based on my own opinions and that she had her own!! Thank God the said friend we were to visit happened to not be around so we just parted ways soon after.

All this time I thought to myself, “who are you to tell me these things? you have never even had a bf to know the challenges that come with being in a relationship at this age when marriage is not even around the corner because there is school to finish first!!! who are you to tell me that I have stooped low when you have never even been in a compromising situation with a guy”… You are very lucky, to not to have to go through such trials. But your time will come one day, and you will remember me, you will remember this very day, those very words you hammered into my head!” I was very bitter!

We never spoke for more than 6 months and she was the one who checked up on me anyway..and at the time, I reluctantly tried to give her another chance. Since then though, our friendship has never been the same again, and though she tries to act like nothing happened, I have never felt the need to share any personal stuff with her. I guess I could say she broke my heart ;(

I believe everyone has their own life, their own mistakes to make, their own decisions to make and consequences to deal with. I had consequences for my “misadventure”(co-habiting) but that’s a story for another day…

Let’s strip away the need to look perfect and be the

church to each other. Let’s be each other’s mighty warriors.


Don’ judge,



It Comes With The Baby

You know how you yearn for something so bad…and even though you know its not the right time or even still want it. Then SMACK!! Reality hits you so hard and you get back to your senses so fast!!!

That was me this past sunday. Remember the friend I told you about…the new mommy..yes. So after church I headed to her place with all sorts of wonderings and imaginations…that she is probably seated on the sofa..looking pretty so full of love for the newborn but with jut the few hints of fatigue..

Lo! and Behold! Her boyfriend actually led me to the bedroom..immediately I arrived. Because that is where she was….in bed…with the baby right beside her in a tiny crib. And some couple of girlfriends around the bed…cooing and musing at the new bundle of joy..though still asleep. So I joined the group..and sat down to what was going to be the most eye-opening chats in my life.

First thing I noticed BOOBS…which she had no problem joking about but which kind of traumatized me…even though as the mummy story goes..they start to get back to their size during weaning. See I could very much see myself in her because truth be told…on a normal day, we are actually very close to the same bra size :0…which is. . . Heck..this is already TMI.. Just know that am a little past the average breast size.

So there I was mind spinning..trying to come into terms with everything that comes with a new-born. Because its not just about the cute little one..and changing diapers and weaning her/him and lulling her/him to sleep.

Well I knew that…I just had to see it for myself some day..and especially in my agemate girlfriend. I just realized how older mothers seem to have it all together..haha…I remember when my mother had my little sister..our third born..back when I was 13..and she was 33.. Heck she worked it. .and made it look so glamorous.. I guess it comes with age but more so..experienc and I think because of her, especially, I began to fall in love with having a baby. #tihihihii#

Now the worst part came…feeding the baby!! See she had cracked her nipples and she even had some wounds on/in them. Ofcourse the innocent baby sucked away..pulling and tugging where necessary. At first she tried to hold it together, curling her toes and screeching in pain..but it became too much and she just cried out. My! Oh My! You should have seen my face and those of the rest of the girls too.. As we sat there helpless you could see it sinking in on every one of us girls. Especially the one who was seated at the exreme end..for her days were near, hehehe 4 mnths pregnant. When she calmed down she told us that the pain of that could almost make her forget the pain of giving birth. #brrrr#shudder#

I knew I still had a long time before I was ready for that. Gotta have me loads of cash too first. But other than that, gotta get psychologically prepared…which am nothing close to now.

All for the baby boy,

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