Fight For Your Happiness

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own
blessings.

And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about
maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness
forever, to stay afloat on top of it.

If you don’t, you will leak away your innate contentment. It’s
easy enough to pray when you’re in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has
passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert

#Happiness Convert#
Love.

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And Am Still Counting…..

The more I do this, the more I realize that am in a battle. A battle against my enemy. I guess I could could also say a battle against myself because “you are your own worst enemy”.. I still feel it in my heart, hear it in my mind-the temptation to give up, to give in..

I-Wont-Give-Up

Day 67 and still counting. I have loved every step of this journey. When I started this, I merely thought I was doing it for just that one moment when I was feeling down. And even when I cried to God that Sunday the 19th May this year, to lift the burden that has always been my pain, off my shoulders, I thought that perhaps I was just being over-emotional. But actually, that is the very day that I let go.

let-go

Something about living “happy”. At first, it can seem to get very boring because the life that used to make me happy, I am done with. I dont even crave for it-the partying, the gossiping with friends, the alcohol, the sex. All that is vanity of vanities. Like the passing wind. Things that only left me feeling more broken. Yes..Though I hate to admit it sometimes.

It amazes me how fast time is flying by. More so, I begin to thi.nk that its probably because I am at my very best state of body, heart and mind. Never been so peaceful for this long-in My Whole Life!! Its beautiful.
I used to say that I like to take each day at a time but those, days, those were just words….to perhaps make me feel good about myself.

Nowadays, I literally live One Day At A Time!! How??..u may ask.

First of all, I dont allow myself to think of some of the negativities of the past. When I find myself thinking about it though, I will either try to see the good that came out of it but if that doesnt work, I just quickly brush it off. I find myself planning stuff..a lot. I can think up almost everything I will say and do when I attend say, an event like a graduation party. I start to wonder who will be there, and some other details that surprise even me. Then I start to imagine things that could go wrong. Consequently, I start to stress over it then I get upset for nothing.

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But, I have learnt to Be Still and to live in the moment. Nowadays when I find myself obsessing over things I cant control, like the future, I usually tell myself this; ‘Tommorrow, you will deal with itself!! I am living in the Now..in the Today!! So for now, Give me a break!!”

My prayer; that this wont end in Day 110 but will be a Lifetime Change for me. Join me people, in this Happiness Journey!!

Still counting,
Love.

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My Weed Story

Looking back at the 3 past years, I smile. Am halfway through campus and a great future beckons me…My curiosity drives me though it sometimes dreads to break me. I laugh at my mistakes now and live to joke about the tears because now more than ever, I feel so free. (Okay maybe its because am on holiday..) Haha. Wrong! My Happiness journey has has helped me a whole lot.

The past academic year was by far the most stressful and the one that could have totally messed me up. It seriously got me questioning whether architecture was the right course for me. Mild headaches now became an everyday thing.

I remember some days when after a harsh crit, I would retire to my room, lock it, amd shut down my computer which on a normal situation is usually on like 24/7!! And I would get into bed and sleep it all of. Then there would be the weekends when I would decide not touch my design at all!!! And I would party all weekend long. On normal days I go out like once in every 2months. But all the stress pushed me to partyn every single weekend.

I absolutely love dancing and thus alcohol is not a favourite. So the few times I would drink it would be 2 smirnoff ices only. Only coz they taste like soda…sprite actually! Then i turned to doing like 3 shots every time we would go out as a group of classmates.

Then enter (one of the) day I will never forget>>>>>

This particular friday M happened to be having a party over at his hostels. And a campus party is not a party without hard liquor particularly vodka. I went over to say hi and after a couple of hrs I went back to my hostels…with like 125ml of vodka. Since me and my classmates had planned to go out that friday night, to let off steam and ish..

5:00pm I thought to myself.. “why not kickstart the partyn. ” I got a bottle of cocacola and decided to mix a little vodka with it.

6:30pm Am almost done with the vodka now so I decide to just put it all in the 500ml coke bottle so now its half full.

10:00pm I finish gulping the last of the drink and get out of my room to find out if we can start to rock this friday.

11:00pm We are all ready and so we meet up outside and then we share a cookie. We share one among 4 of us. Big Mistake!! By this time am already tipsy from the drink I had been filling myself up with…

11:20pm We are near the club and we are already giggling like craizy!! We enter the club and when we are all settled up the craziness begins….

None of us were up dancing yet which was really weird because we usually start to dance like right at the door of the club. Haha. Talk of mad excitement!! So I asked my girlfriends if the were okay. They said they were fine so minutes later I just stood up and started dancing. Minutes later they joined me. We were with 2 boys by the way. After that we sat down and then it started happening>>>>

The music started to get louder amd louder. At first it was really cool and then it started to sound soooo irritatingly out of this world L.O.U.D!!! Then I decided to stand up and dance. Thats the time I started to really feel it. My body like literally separated from me. Couldnt feel any of my body parts. I remember thinking, “Jesus help me!! I think something is possessing me!” The idea of even calling out Jesus in a club is even distasteful..I know. I should have called Him out when I realized I was under so much stress, in the comfort of my room, right?? In tears..down on my knees, right? But it wasnt that easy. I guess I needed Jesus now…most. When I was messing up so bad!! 😦

Then everyone all of a sudden started to move in slowmotion and everything I imagined, I saw…like how the pictures on the screens were also dancinh around crazily, how the guys at the table in front of us seemed to be planning how they will drug us, kidnap us, rob us and God knows what else!!! “Heck!! They must have already drugged us..thus what am feeling now.” I thought. The waiter (taking their order) seemed to be part of it too. They were probably paying him for successfully managing to lace our drinks. My heart beat rose to a level I had never ever imagined was possible (that I was still alive was another shock too) and I thought I should probably sit down. Between the sudden cold and heat I would feel and the utter thirst and hunger…All my senses were sooo elevated!! I knew was a goner!! So I started to say my last prayers… Because this was all too surreal..unless ofcourse I was dying!! 😦

Now since I couldnt even feel my body, sitting down was starting to prove to be a really tedious task. I knew I wanted to sit down but I just didnt know how to!! Then I started to freak out coz I couldnt talk either yet I knew I had to warn my friends to keep watch of the “kidnappers” At some point, I finally managed to sit down and talk.. I warned my friends and also told them where my keys were lest they were forced to carry me to my room coz honestly, I have never felt so wasted in my life!! I almost grew hysterical with my hallucinations until one of the biys assured me that I was just experiencing a weed high!! :O

NEVER AGAIN!! I swore through my teeth!!!

Thank God the guys were good friends..and that they werent high on weed like us girls or else that night would have gotten really ugly!! gOSH!! We ended up safe and sound in our room at like 5:00am.

Worst mistake was not taking vodka..or taking weed…not even taking both!! BUT…drinking vodka then taking weed!! Vice-versa is not so bad though depending on your tolerance levels, you might just end up in the sick bay if not the E.R…or worse..dead!! I hard to learn the hard way why they say we should not take alcohol or drugs. My curiosity almost messed me up there.

I have been sober for close to 3 months now. But an even more stressful academic year is approaching!! Actually the most stressful year in Arch School!! And I wont lie. Am very very scared. I dont do so well under pressure. Well, I try, but I know I can do better!!

Dont try this at home people..or anywhere else for that matter!! For me, its Once Bitten Twice Shy!!

Stay Sober,
Love.

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My journey to ‘A Happier Me’

Happiness comes to those who seek it.
All I knew as I was coming home this holiday is that I wanted the perfect vacation, the happiest most peaceful one. And now, day 45 almost halfway into it, I can proudly say, I have never experienced such peace.

This is how it played out;
In the past, that is past two long holidays, I have often rushed to get attachment and I must say, that kind of has robbed me of that ‘perfect holiday’, fatigue from work and the constant bullying by the boss, with his endless nagging and close to supernatural demands.

Not to forget arguments with parents concerning the same attachment. Disagreements over which firm I should work for and which not. Leading to unnecessary bitterness and grudges because, I for one, thought they had crossed the line…trying to control every bit of my life. While they, on the other hand, thought I was being very rebellious. Well, things were left very sour, even at the end of that 3month holiday and I hated it!! Thats not what holidays were for>>>>

I remember one particular day when I was feeling extremely stressed out. And I told God that if its attachments that are driving the wedge between me and my parents, then am not so sure if they are worth it. I told God that on my next holiday I want to be at peace, I want to just be me, no annoying bosses, no more annoying my parents.

Thus, in the course of my semester I started to think up ways I would achieve that happiness. How I would, in a wholesome way, have the ultimate holiday.

Mentally:
1. I was going to take up any little design project that came my way. Either through referrals or friends or family (currently working on my dad’s office interiors) :))

2. While I was still in school, I had passed up a design competition opportunity partly because I was so busy with the semester projects and partly because I kept procastinating it and it really ached when the results came out and I realized I could have easily made it to the finals. But that was merely theoretical, right? Perhaps not… 😉

So I swore that during the long holiday, I would take up any design competition that came my way. (currently working on a design right now, started it on the second week of my holiday, due mid August. Y’all wish me luck. 1000USD at stake here!! ;))

3. I have like more than 20 architecture ebooks and I always complain during school, how hard it is to read one, cover to cover. I mostly use them as reference books. (currently done reading a certain book on architectural sustainability and My! Oh My! Boy have I been missing out!! )

Emotionally
1.I am quite the emotional type. I get teared up at the slightest things. Always trying to work on it though. Back in school I even got myself a book. ” Managing Your Emotions” by Joyce Meyer. And well, am still reading it. Okay, honestly I wanna continue reading it today…since the beginning of the holiday.

2 Emotionally also; I tend to get into stupid fights with my boyfriend a lot more when we are apart from each other than when we are together. In school; we see each other almost everyday. At home; every once a week. (this time though none of that has happened. 🙂 i have learnt to get a grip of my emotions more.)

Spiritually
1.Well, I go to church atleast every Sunday and  I know that doesnt count as being spiritually stable at all. So I search myself deeper…my inner self. And one thing that I must confess that has me in bondage, is sexual sin. See, though me and my boyfriend are christians, and believers at that, we struggle a lot with sexual sin. And its easier during the holidays, to stave off the urges and to focus on other things….

We have been together for 6 years now, and we have been having sex in 4 of those. Quite a dilemma this has been. But we are working on it. (for the first time ever, we were able to stay 5 weeks without giving on and then when we finally did, we swore to make thing work, and now its going to the 3rd week. Wish me strength y’all :)) I still believe that sex before marriage is wrong.

2.As a way to grow spiritually too, I thought of getting christian novels for once!!! Always thought them to be boring and condescending, judgmental and full of threats. Much to my shock and delight, I found them to be the best books one could ever read in their life. So refreshing. (am now going to my 4th book, after reading ‘Oceans Apart’, ‘Divine’, and ‘Redemption’…all by Karen Kingsbury.) Get them…if you love life!! And if you are seeking that indepth knowledge of how God can work in your life.

Wow! Cant believe I have to do this..again…cut short my post. But, I have to call the contractor doing my dad’s office interiors and set up a meeting with him and get my design rolling!!!! Catch y’all later! Don go nowhere! Hehehehe..

Wish me luck!
Love

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