Waiting…One Day At A Time.

I was going to write and post this when we hit the 2month mark but I’m too excited to keep it to myself.

Its been 7 weeks since both M and I quit sex. This is by so far the longest we’ve ever stayed off it. And its not because we are not hot for each other or in good terms. He hasnt travelles abroad or something. He still lives 30 minutes away from me and the love we share still feels so very fresh. Like it just got breathed into our souls a new.

Am loving the fact that we are in this together. I remember 4 years ago when we both gave ourselves to each other. We had been trying for a while and everytime we dint go through with it because of one reason or the other, part of me was sort of relived that I still had within me, my most precious gift that I had been saving for my husband come our wedding day.

Then on that particular cold Monday in July, we finally did it. We had waited for 2 years and we decided that maybe it was time beause honestly, waiting till marriage was starting to sound like a big joke. See marriage would only be practical after we were done with college and atleast had jobs. Looking into my future, I still had 6 years of Arch School that I hadnt even started yet and so it meant that we would do it after a whooping total of 8 years of a relationship. And all that just sounded like crap!!

So, there we were; both our virginities were now no more and we began to explore this new world…completely ignoring pointing fingers from close friends and even the quiet inner voice called GUILT.. What followed was often an on and off trials at secondary virginity for the both of us. Sometimes it was him who would strongly suggest we should stop. At other times it would be me. But this time, it was the both of us. And we began to even pray about it seriously.

The thing is, we have never really given it our best in the past. Probably why it never works out. I mean, how do we expect it to work out with all those weekend sleepovers still going on. Then personally, I had never really prayed about it because I was somehow not ready to give up that life of pleasure and excitenent just yet. Perhaps I felt I needed to enjoy my ‘youth’. So whenever we would agree to pray about it, it was only theoretical for me. I did not. Because I know only too well, the power of prayer and i knew that if I prayed about it, we would definitely succeed at it..this journey of secondary virginity.

BUT..
Going back to school this september kind of sets me off in a panic. Having all that freedom. See on holiday, I cant afford to sleep away from home so really…that has also worked for us. Atleast he has finished college so he will no longer stay at hostels 5minutes away from mine. Plenty of motels/hotels out there though. Plus he will be home alone sometimes. *ahem* Wow! I guess that will be the beginning of the true test of our self-control, huh.

When I start to think of that looming temptation coming our way, its easy for me to think..”oh well..i guess we wont be able to resist that so…” and I do think about that a lot. Anyway, no more thinking then. Just taking each day at a time!! Wish me luck!

Xoxo
Love.

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My Weed Story

Looking back at the 3 past years, I smile. Am halfway through campus and a great future beckons me…My curiosity drives me though it sometimes dreads to break me. I laugh at my mistakes now and live to joke about the tears because now more than ever, I feel so free. (Okay maybe its because am on holiday..) Haha. Wrong! My Happiness journey has has helped me a whole lot.

The past academic year was by far the most stressful and the one that could have totally messed me up. It seriously got me questioning whether architecture was the right course for me. Mild headaches now became an everyday thing.

I remember some days when after a harsh crit, I would retire to my room, lock it, amd shut down my computer which on a normal situation is usually on like 24/7!! And I would get into bed and sleep it all of. Then there would be the weekends when I would decide not touch my design at all!!! And I would party all weekend long. On normal days I go out like once in every 2months. But all the stress pushed me to partyn every single weekend.

I absolutely love dancing and thus alcohol is not a favourite. So the few times I would drink it would be 2 smirnoff ices only. Only coz they taste like soda…sprite actually! Then i turned to doing like 3 shots every time we would go out as a group of classmates.

Then enter (one of the) day I will never forget>>>>>

This particular friday M happened to be having a party over at his hostels. And a campus party is not a party without hard liquor particularly vodka. I went over to say hi and after a couple of hrs I went back to my hostels…with like 125ml of vodka. Since me and my classmates had planned to go out that friday night, to let off steam and ish..

5:00pm I thought to myself.. “why not kickstart the partyn. ” I got a bottle of cocacola and decided to mix a little vodka with it.

6:30pm Am almost done with the vodka now so I decide to just put it all in the 500ml coke bottle so now its half full.

10:00pm I finish gulping the last of the drink and get out of my room to find out if we can start to rock this friday.

11:00pm We are all ready and so we meet up outside and then we share a cookie. We share one among 4 of us. Big Mistake!! By this time am already tipsy from the drink I had been filling myself up with…

11:20pm We are near the club and we are already giggling like craizy!! We enter the club and when we are all settled up the craziness begins….

None of us were up dancing yet which was really weird because we usually start to dance like right at the door of the club. Haha. Talk of mad excitement!! So I asked my girlfriends if the were okay. They said they were fine so minutes later I just stood up and started dancing. Minutes later they joined me. We were with 2 boys by the way. After that we sat down and then it started happening>>>>

The music started to get louder amd louder. At first it was really cool and then it started to sound soooo irritatingly out of this world L.O.U.D!!! Then I decided to stand up and dance. Thats the time I started to really feel it. My body like literally separated from me. Couldnt feel any of my body parts. I remember thinking, “Jesus help me!! I think something is possessing me!” The idea of even calling out Jesus in a club is even distasteful..I know. I should have called Him out when I realized I was under so much stress, in the comfort of my room, right?? In tears..down on my knees, right? But it wasnt that easy. I guess I needed Jesus now…most. When I was messing up so bad!! 😦

Then everyone all of a sudden started to move in slowmotion and everything I imagined, I saw…like how the pictures on the screens were also dancinh around crazily, how the guys at the table in front of us seemed to be planning how they will drug us, kidnap us, rob us and God knows what else!!! “Heck!! They must have already drugged us..thus what am feeling now.” I thought. The waiter (taking their order) seemed to be part of it too. They were probably paying him for successfully managing to lace our drinks. My heart beat rose to a level I had never ever imagined was possible (that I was still alive was another shock too) and I thought I should probably sit down. Between the sudden cold and heat I would feel and the utter thirst and hunger…All my senses were sooo elevated!! I knew was a goner!! So I started to say my last prayers… Because this was all too surreal..unless ofcourse I was dying!! 😦

Now since I couldnt even feel my body, sitting down was starting to prove to be a really tedious task. I knew I wanted to sit down but I just didnt know how to!! Then I started to freak out coz I couldnt talk either yet I knew I had to warn my friends to keep watch of the “kidnappers” At some point, I finally managed to sit down and talk.. I warned my friends and also told them where my keys were lest they were forced to carry me to my room coz honestly, I have never felt so wasted in my life!! I almost grew hysterical with my hallucinations until one of the biys assured me that I was just experiencing a weed high!! :O

NEVER AGAIN!! I swore through my teeth!!!

Thank God the guys were good friends..and that they werent high on weed like us girls or else that night would have gotten really ugly!! gOSH!! We ended up safe and sound in our room at like 5:00am.

Worst mistake was not taking vodka..or taking weed…not even taking both!! BUT…drinking vodka then taking weed!! Vice-versa is not so bad though depending on your tolerance levels, you might just end up in the sick bay if not the E.R…or worse..dead!! I hard to learn the hard way why they say we should not take alcohol or drugs. My curiosity almost messed me up there.

I have been sober for close to 3 months now. But an even more stressful academic year is approaching!! Actually the most stressful year in Arch School!! And I wont lie. Am very very scared. I dont do so well under pressure. Well, I try, but I know I can do better!!

Dont try this at home people..or anywhere else for that matter!! For me, its Once Bitten Twice Shy!!

Stay Sober,
Love.

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