Maybe it was the way he smiled, or the way he looked at me with those laughing eyes… I still wonder why, what was so different from the other cute boys around…enough for me to pick out at that age. Or maybe it was because this was one of those special ones. Divine.
He lived 5 houses from mine, much to my liking…and so I began to see him more and more often. I slowly learnt to recognize his laughter from far and since it was so different and kind of funny too, it stuck in my head pretty easy.
I did not know how serious this crush I had on him was…until I realized that I could not even look at him in the eye. I was awfully shy. Many times I would be playing outside with the rest of the kids and the moment he’d walk out of his door, I would dash into the house pretending I was getting a glass of water or that I needed to use the bathroom.
We even went to same school and used the same bus every morning and evening. However we would never say a single word to each other. We’d act like total strangers even at school. The fact that we werent even in the same class made avoiding each other a lot easier for us. He was a class ahead of me.
Then when I was 11, I didn’t see him on the first day of school that year. At first I thought that maybe he’d travelled and would come in the following week or something. But then 2 weeks passed and I started getting really worried. Just when I started thinking of the worst, that maybe he’d fallen sick, word got round that he’d actually moved to a different school. :O A boarding school, to make matters worse. You can imagine my sadness..the pain..heartache!!
I felt like we had just broken up, or that we’d all of a sudden gotten into some kind of long distant relationship!! Haha! Heck! We had never even uttered a simple sentence to each other! But I still felt like he was mine!! (Go right ahead with the cooing and the “aaauuuws” Oh…and grab that tissue while at it. .) 🙂
Soon, I got used to the fact that he was no longer in my school. I saw him on holidays and midterms, if I was lucky to bump into him that is. But mostly, I’d sit near my bedroom window..and peep!! Yes!! I get creepy too…if it involves something I want. Hehe. 🙂
Slowly, I started forgetting all about him..[NOOooT]…telling myself that he’d probably find himself a pretty girlfriend in his new school and I’d be the ‘girl next door’ for life!! :O. But we all know how the story goes for ‘girls-next-door’..,now dont we? 😉
When I was 13 I started to get really question myslelf. Sometimes I would wonder whether he even liked me half as much as I did him. Because unlike other guys who would try make conversation coz they were interested in me or even not..and even maybe tell me they liked me, he was just there. I started to tell myself that I needed to move on because I wasnt going to be the one to make a fool of myself by laying down my feelings.
If at all he liked me, coz I could not even tell anymore, then he was doing a very awful job waiting all this while coz someday he’d find that someone else beat him to it. For a while I tried to switch off these immense feelings by flirting with other guys and even feigning crushes just so I’d forget him. But he’d keep popping back into my mind, making me lovesick.
All these, at times made me wonder whether I was really going to ever feel for another guy, even a fragment of what I felt for him. What kept me at it though, was the fact that maybe the same way my behaviour towards him was mirrored against his towards me, so was his feelings to mine. Equal..if not more. 🙂
Now this is where you all hate me…
I promise you the suspense will be worth it. Plus, helps keep my posts a friendly length (I hope so) 🙂
Please allow me to finish this off, or rather get to the beginning of the best part in a future post called “my fairy tale”.. Till then, au revoir!!
Le finis,
Love.
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that word love 